Here were go again

I can't breath. I can't sleep. I can just feel fear and dread like it's going to fill me up and choke me. And I know that's not logical. But it still doesn't stop me feeling that as soon as I shut my eyes. I'm so tired but also frightened to try and sleep. So here we are again. It's 3:42am. I really really miss my husband. I never felt like this then but he would have known what to do . He always made me feel so safe. Thinking about when I used to be able to hold him and snuggle feels calming but also so so sad cause I know I can't ever do that again.