I can’t put a face on

This is genuinely humiliating and I can’t even understand how I’ve gotten this bad.

I went to my psychiatrist today and I put on a face and I figured it was just going to be another normal appointment.

But I am absolutely miserable and when the nurse asked me if I think about suicide, I decided to be honest and I said yes

Then I proceeded to break down and cry for 30 minutes.

It was absolutely awkward and they put me on more drugs over it and my blood pressure was awful.

It was so bad that she kept trying to redo it over and over and it just wouldn’t change.

So now I feel like I’ve hit a point where I just can’t even put a face on

I cried the whole drive home too