I don't want to get better

If I wake up less depressed or less sad than the day before, I give myself a figurative slap across the face and tell myself ''no, you shouldn't feel any happiness. You should be miserable and sad and not have an ounce of positivity in you''. I feel like it's my character and I need to stay in character. I shouldn't be happy because I don't deserve it. I should be a failure, should have a bad relationship with everyone, everyone should hate me and leave me and I should remain in torment for the rest of my life

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

And that’s the depression talking. It becomes your constant companion, who doesn’t want to get left behind. Hope you’re getting some professional help to combat this treacherous illness.

SStarfish ·

Everyone should be good and happy.. why are you torturing yourself? You don't have to be that kind of person.. set yourself free to be happy.. you're allowed

vic7ory

Damn 😣

basilfawlty89 · 31-35, M

Question:

Would you treat someone else the way you are treating yourself?

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nothereforpeople · F

@basilfawlty89 I know you're right but I just refuse to do that

basilfawlty89 · 31-35, M

@nothereforpeople have you spoken to a therapist before?

nothereforpeople · F

@basilfawlty89 No. I can't
But I know they'll either say I have to force myself to changr or take medicine and I really want to do neither. I know that in order to get put of this state, I need to just force myself to do the things I don't want to do, grow up, be ' a man' and also work through my childhood stuff and my relationship with my family
I've tried all of this before but now I got to point where sabotaging every good thing in my life seems easier and well deserved. I don't want to go on antidepressants

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