omd i haven't posted for so long

lowky went through a depressive episode for 7 months because my own trio was leaving me out and when i told them i felt left out they said that they thought everything was fine omd. Since like last year November they started leaving me out and atp i chose to stay silent but obviously being lonely for 5 months really made me mad and really sad so like after that I chose to cut them off on good terms because i was struggling with my mental health and relative death and they were just making it worse. I didn't want to do it but at that moment i just felt that they just pushed me to my breaking point already and I just couldn't take it anymore. But unfortunately a few weeks after i cut them off i found out that they were talking shit about me online and stuff while i was still lowky sad about cutting them off omd funny. What really pissed me off was that they said i deserved every bad stuff that happened to me and because of that i really fell into another depressive episode and I lowky just broke down one day during my swim practice. funny thing was that one of them was friends with me for 5 years and replaced me with someone i introduced her to. I dont understand why I cant move on from them and why i even still care for them when they left me at my lowest??