I feel this cycle too and have just decided to go with the flow. When sadness comes I try to take really good care of myself and keep my son and I laughing, but some days I do wish for the pain to end whatever means necessary because no one is coming to help. I have no family and my son relies solely on me. So I’m doing my best, but it’s definitely not good enough. And when it comes to me, I get nothing but chores, bills and helping people through their emotional problems. Creatively it’s difficult to start and complete things. I wish I knew what to do. My latest attempt is to just feel and explore these lows. Find out what’s eating away at me. People tell me to accept what I can’t control, forget about what I can’t have, but i can’t accept everyone is dead and nobody loves my son or I after the amazing shit we’ve done. Sometimes I do want to die, even though I’ll never leave my son and life is beautiful, I still sometimes wish it was over. Just because I’m so fkn tired of being on the roller coaster. I wish you all the best on your journey. I hate giving advice, but rather give people my confidence that they will find their own way to balance. Or just listen in case they need to talk 🖤

Try to focus on the good things in life.

When all else fails I like to look at space... Under the stars or looking at photorealistic scales online that show how Earth is smaller than a grain of sand.

Find something to love and hold unto it with all your will.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have periods of depression then followed by mania?