I Feel My Depression Coming Back

I'm not suicidal this time, but it feels like a pain growing larger inside me. I'm not satisfied. I don't finish much, as I'm constantly starting over. I feel like my entire life has been start-restart-never finish. I feel like there are various personalities inside me. One is always unsatisfied with the actions of the previous, so I start over and do it differently. I don't know how to get out of this cycle.

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RebelFox · 36-40, F

I feel this cycle too and have just decided to go with the flow. When sadness comes I try to take really good care of myself and keep my son and I laughing, but some days I do wish for the pain to end whatever means necessary because no one is coming to help. I have no family and my son relies solely on me. So I’m doing my best, but it’s definitely not good enough. And when it comes to me, I get nothing but chores, bills and helping people through their emotional problems. Creatively it’s difficult to start and complete things. I wish I knew what to do. My latest attempt is to just feel and explore these lows. Find out what’s eating away at me. People tell me to accept what I can’t control, forget about what I can’t have, but i can’t accept everyone is dead and nobody loves my son or I after the amazing shit we’ve done. Sometimes I do want to die, even though I’ll never leave my son and life is beautiful, I still sometimes wish it was over. Just because I’m so fkn tired of being on the roller coaster. I wish you all the best on your journey. I hate giving advice, but rather give people my confidence that they will find their own way to balance. Or just listen in case they need to talk 🖤

JHNTHN · 31-35, M

@RebelFox Thank you for that! That means a lot. I've dreamed about living a free life, just going wherever and enjoying nature and life. Maybe I will one day. I hope so. If you need to talk, I'm right here.

SW-User

Try to focus on the good things in life.

lovelywarpedlemon

When all else fails I like to look at space... Under the stars or looking at photorealistic scales online that show how Earth is smaller than a grain of sand.

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lovelywarpedlemon

@JHNTHN for me looking at space is peaceful. I imagine myself as elements without the pain of being contained in a limited body. I feel part of something big and beautiful beyond comprehension yet understood by all. I even feel comforted by the unknown, idk why. Cute animals and flowers are always nice too lol. I hope you find something good for you.

JHNTHN · 31-35, M

@lovelywarpedlemon I may try that before bed. I'll give it my best shot. 🙂

lovelywarpedlemon

@JHNTHN sometimes it just helps to talk with someone 🤗

Miram · 31-35, F

Find something to love and hold unto it with all your will.

JHNTHN · 31-35, M

@Miram All I have is my son, and he's getting more distant. I guess he's getting older and that's why. When he's older, I'll have no one. I have no friends, no one. I can't get a date to save my life, and my paranoia tells me that everyone sees just how messed up I really am.

ItzGfc · 31-35

Vivir y sentirse sin vida 😔

JHNTHN · 31-35, M

@ItzGfc estoy mejor Fueron solo un par de días difíciles.

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have periods of depression then followed by mania?

JHNTHN · 31-35, M

@iamonfire696 It levels back out. I have meds I'm taking, but they're not helping.

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@JHNTHN I hope it passes quickly for you 💖

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