A lot of longterm depression like yours, the cause is in your current brain chemistry: and the fix for it is one of the SSRI antidepressants. Please, please, talk to your doctor, find out how much it would cost rather than assuming it's unaffordable. If it works for you, it's an amazingly easy fix, it's .. revelatory, like walking into the sunshine after years in a tunnel. If you can lift the depression, everything else will be more in reach, and life will feel worthwhile.

hello...life is tough, I felt your pain...im sad a lot myself and depressed at times but I realize that its all in my own mind....its hard to change the way we think..i know one thing for sure..to love others and help them along and be kind to people is a great medicine...hugs!!!

It wouldnt hurt to talk to someone, I'm on meds and it's not to terribly expensive. Please try something it makes my heart ache for you. I understand the thoughts and feelings you're talking about
((hugs))

Thanks for the post. I've suffered with varying degrees of intensity since I was 15, and have recently had a relapse. I know it can be tough just to get up in the morning.

It is a tough thing to live with especially when alone

Have you tried a psychiatrist? Not because you are crazy but because they are the experts in brain chemistry and neurotransmitters. When you have an imbalance , all hell breaks loose. Stop suffering, go see a doc!