I Battle Depression

Everyday, all my life. Some days are better than others, but it's always there. Like now. I just feel like Life is passing me by. I'm stuck sitting here, with no one, day in and day out. All I have are my dogs, my cat, and the internet. I'm always waiting on someone else to come do something with me, take me to get my shopping done, or just to have company. I'm sick of waiting. Sick of my summer passing me by and not getting to do the things I like to do. I'm sick of having only one friend...she has a life outside of mine. I wish I had other friends that wanted to do stuff with me. But it is what it is I guess. That itself is depressing.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

I know your life is severe. Can you find tiny things to be happy about? You have Internet friends. You have that great company of those fur babies. Can you develop a quiet hobby? Like reading or watching old movies? Evendors Journaling would help you. You must slowly change your mindset. I know it is difficult when you are so unhappy. Try starting the day with small thoughts of positivity. You can move about. You are not bedridden. You can dress and make food. You can shower. I know that may seem silly. If you try small blessings eventually you can retrain your awesome brain to think more positively. I know you are a good, caring person. If I may help, let me know. I am off to hike. Then off to work evenings. I know you can do this. You are Wolf dancer.

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Wolfdancer · 56-60, F

@PoetryNEmotion You are becoming comical. I am not unfriendly to people in the least! Not sure where you come up with that accusation. I am not the Debbie downer, here in my real world, that you seem to insist I am. People here that do see me, don't see the depressed person. I don't complain to these people whine to them, nor get angry with them. But apparently you are not READING me, when I say, this is why I come HERE, to vent what I feel and think, so that those around me don't get snapped at over my own frustrations. I laugh, I joke, I've been told I'm handling my situation a lot better than expected, coming from people who KNOW what Summer time means to me! I think it would be beneficial for you to go back and read all the way through my posts because I think you have missed a lot. Let me clarify that in spite of my depression, I am a humble and very grateful person. Some things are beyond my immediate control and life is forever changing. And yes, lol I AM all good. Thanks.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Wolfdancer You drive people away. Do you just want pity here? Or do you want to feel better? Do you want to wallow? Or stand up? You tell me, girl. Why would it help you to know the particulars of my one summer when I could hardly move? I do not dwell in the past. It is not healthy. And as for being a professional, I see you clearly. You need a counselor to talk to. You could rant and rave. And cry. But you would have to pay someone to do that. And you cannot. You set limits upon your children. No one LIKES to ask for help. I never did either. Yet now I know when it is healthy to. Even here on SW. When you decide to change your mindset, do let me know. Then maybe I will listen to you again. You may be your own worse enemy, friend. Bye for now.

Wolfdancer · 56-60, F

You are funny. Clearly know nothing about me but your own judgements. I don't need a professional in the least. But thanks. And how do YOU know whether or not I could pay for a therapist? That's some pretty strong assumptions right there! Which is pretty much all ya got, because lady, you don't have a clue who I am.
In my life experiences, when others are feeling down and venting, I have learned not to direct or tell them what they OUGHT TO DO, SHOULD DO, HOW THEY SHOULD FEEL, ETC....Rather I share my personal experience with them and how I got through that. I never advise anyone. If you were a professional you should know that, rather than passing judgements on me of who YOU think I am. Frankly, you're opinion of me doesn't matter. I drive people away hahahaha! Please tell me how you can conclude that when you are not apart of my life? I am my own best friend, is what I am. Not my worst enemy but thank you just the same.

Wolfdancer · 56-60, F

Some just don't understand depression and think that it's a good motivational speaker, or you just need to do this or that or think like this or that....until YOU ARE IN THAT PLACE, none of those so called solutions help. For me, while I can enjoy my alone time, I don't like to feel isolated or that there is nothing to look forward to the next day or the day after that and when that continues for a week or more, then I start to lose it. Internet connections don't cut it for me. I need tangible people. The past two days have been better. My former upstairs tenant called today...so miss that gay boy! He wants to borrow my canoe. And thus is taking me to get some shopping supplies. Just talking with him was so nice! Not TEXTING! My neighbor friend, came over for coffee this morning and she's been wonderful lately, washed my picture window for me, fills my bird feeder and waters my porch plants. Because that is what I look at all day long. Today she mowed my front yard. I offered to pay her and she was like no, I just enjoy your company! I said ty, you've been my sanity the past couple of days as well! Then tonight, that gf of mine FINALLY CALLED (a week later). I talked her out of cancelling the camping trip. AMEN. So its not as many days but that's better than nothing! We had some good real conversation and laughter. I needed that. Then I was out on the porch with my dogs (first I've been able to get them out myself) and one of my daughters friends drove by. She stopped to visit. That just made my day even better! It's the small things that mean so much and make such a huge difference. Some people just can't understand and that's okay too! Consider yourself lucky if you don't, because that means you haven't had to feel that darkness of depression. Much different than sadness.

Specialyouare · 31-35, F

Wolfdancer have you heard of a lady named Byron Katie? I am currently reading her book “A thousand names for joy” and it has helped me a lot. Type Byron Katie on YouTube and I look forward to seeing your reaction to it. I am fascinated by this woman, as I too can very much relate to your feelings. I’ve come to realize that if you are not pleasing, convenient, and harmless I.e. convenient to others... then people are pretty much apathetic, and that goes for everybody.

Enjoy 👍

Wolfdancer · 56-60, F

@Specialyouare No I've never heard of Byron Katie. I will take a listen to her though. Thank you very much. :) I got through today. lol I will get back to you after I am able to listen to her. :) Love & Light

warnbrobeachlover1 · M

Its a terrible thing when people say they understand and have no idea of the battles that are fought daily suffering from depression, thoughts are with you

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