I Battle Depression and Anxiety

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and it has gradually gotten worse over time. I've had moments in my life where I fought with suicidal thoughts, but those too have worsened. It's not unusual for me to have these thoughts daily, or even multiple times a day. I've made it this far, so that in itself is something. But lately, it almost seems more I can bear. The almost coerced compulsion to end my relentless suffering immediately compounded with overwhelming periods of intense grief are becoming all too frequent. I don't know how much longer I can maintain control, and that alone is terrifying.