I Battle Depression

I think one of the most frustrating aspects of battling depression is that many people do not understand exactly detrimental it is on your life. Many times, I'm hesitant to mention it to people because I don't want to be the ob<x>ject of ridicule for the next hour. Some people will say things like, "I'm sorry that you are sad, but just try to be happy."
Sure thing, I'll just tell my brain to stop mucking about in the abyssal depths of misery and sorrow; that there's no time for pain and suffering today. I know they mean well, but unless you've experienced it firsthand; it's difficult to comprehend how crippling is the disease of depression.
My wife doesn't get it, or maybe she just doesn't care. She tells me to get over it. That many people are sad, and that a lot of people have the same feelings I do. There is no doubt that many people are fighting depression. I see countless others on this group that share a similar fate, and I grieve for them.
However, just knowing that others are also suffering does not bring me respite. Seeing others writhe in endless agony does not quell the relentless screams for absolution. If anything, this has an adverse effect; it only serves to compound my own infernal damnation.
My mind desperately pleads for an end to the incessant abuse, and torment. I constantly have to block out the cries to end this pathetic existence. How should I be relieved that so many others share this curse?
I would like to apologize if this has hurt or upset anyone, but I just find it frustrating when people belittle or downplay the amount of pain we endure. I sincerely wish I could take everyone's pain away so that none would have to suffer the way I do, but I'm just one miserable soul and can only do so much.

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Ludavin

I fully understand the feeling. It's so true that unless someone suffered from depression they can't understand it. My husband would tell me to snap out of it too until he went to therapy with me and had some insight on a particularly rough session of dealing with repressed memories. He still doesn't fully get it but there's some compassion. And knowing others suffer the same way doesn't take away your pain. But it helps to know there are some ppl who understand. If you'd care to, read some of my posts on it. They show varied levels and stages since I started on EP this past July. Maybe you can glean something. Just a thought. I hope you can work through the battle you're in. We each have our own but maybe there's hope in someone else's slight victory to give you inspiration or see something you haven't before. For me, I know depression is just something I have to live with and part of coping is accepting myself this way.

Moltencorgi2

People with depression have it hard wired into their brains. It's like an alcoholic with their drinking, or a gambler with gambling: it will never go away. I don't mean to be such a Debbie Downer, but it's our brain sabotaging us. We can cope with it, manage it, learn of it, etc, but it will always be there waiting.
I thought I could get over it once I had a stable job and a few goals in life but it's never as easy as just keeping the brain occupied. Plus, it came back with a vengeance once I was out of a job again.

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Moltencorgi2

What was your occupation? Was it a sophie's choice between not going back into the pit and having the job you studied and prepared for?

DarkestDespair · 46-50, M

I work in a technology sector, but I'm going to face a similar issue just about anywhere I work unless I can move someplace more open-minded with more relaxed laws regarding how people choose to live their lives.

Moltencorgi2

That's the thing, you have a fallback career. Or, to put it more bluntly, you can actually build stuff that people fucking need. You have inherent worth as a person. I just realized that I don't know how to do anything, therefore I have nothing to sell in the job market, ergo I'm useless. I could go to college...AGAIN, for a degree in something useful but, if luck has it, by the time I graduate I'll be too old to be attractive to employers, meaning that I will have wasted my whole 20's in being as useful as a sack of rocks. Oh well, hopefully, by the time the economy recovers there will be a sulprus of desk jockey positions. The lesson here: math and economics are pointless degrees and college is a scam.

animamia

I'm sorry you are so tormented by depression, and agree that as much as people may think they understand; they just don't. It's about time it was recognised as a physical illness. I don't know if it's any use to you but I find the only things that help when I'm that low is talking to people and anything I can do to distract myself. Although I know that's easier said than done when you're so unmotivated to do anything at all. Feel free to message me anytime if you need to talk. x

DarkestDespair · 46-50, M

Thank you, any distraction from my own madness would be a welcome change.

CoriWilson

I agree. It's aggravating when people assume you can just "get over" depression, or any mental illness. There's a lot of work involved in it, and the pain you feel makes it incredibly difficult to do on your own.

Ah...I know this doesn't always help much, either, but I can listen if you ever need someone to talk to.

DarkestDespair · 46-50, M

Thank you for your kind words. It's true that sometimes talking to others can provide some relief, and I appreciate the offer.

CoriWilson

Of course. And I hope if you take me up on it, I can be of some help, at least a little.

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