I Battle Depression and Anxiety

My Depression... I take pills to battle depression; I take pills to sleep; I take pills for chronic pain; I take pills for thyroid hormone replacement. I take all of these, yet I am still depressed and dark-mooded routinely. I have nightmares about my father abusing me sexually, and I end up losing sleep because of it. Short sleep, nightmares and facing my abuse leaves me teeming with anxiety. I grind my teeth all day long and now have started shaving constantly, and not just my face. I have this compelling urge to be clean shaven all over my body. Makes me feel very weird, knowing I am doing that and succumbing further to OCD. Every day is a battleground for me; one in which I must fight to be a good husband and father. My anxiety skyrockets when I lose the battle and am short and angry with my wife and kids; I think they will just pack up and leave, like my father did and like my first wife did. Tonight I am angry at myself for self deprecating humor and inward facing anger.

I think tonight (or this morning, rather) will suck...

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perseverer

Have you ever heard of GROW? Your OCD and depression sound very much like my eldest son's. He is also on a cocktail of meds and still has very down days and all kinds of episodes. He was literally catatonic. But he went to GROW and slowly but surely there is light at the end of the tunnel. Not a panacea, not a cure, but hope. I highly recommend it, just for meeting people who have been in the same place as yourself and understand eg what it is like to live with recurrent nightmares that sap you of sleep and trigger OCD. It is a wonderful movement, very therapeutic.

chickadeeeee

Thank You

Evie1

I really feel for you. Sounds like you are also anxious of being abandoned. Maybe it is trust issues stemming from your abusive relationship with your father. i imagine if you told your wife exactly what you wrote here you would have more support and hopefully get some reassurance. I hope things work out for you.

MikeMartin · 56-60, M

My wife and I are both very honest with each other. I have opened up to her to the extent my psyche allows me to without freaking out. My father was exceedingly brutal in his actions, and I really have a hard time with it. Psychologically, it's a doozy...

MikeMartin · 56-60, M

I'll look into it and see if it works for me. Thanks again!

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