a few years ago i was diagnosed with bipolar after a huge mental breakdown and lowest point of my life but i still never accepted it.

Darklongings - I tell you a bit about myself - I was running all my life - especially when i became an alcoholic - I never knew i was running and i never knew i was an alcoholic - Even attending Alcoholic Anonymous for about 6 years and i was sober 3 years i still didn't think i was Alcoholic and i drank a lot - everything i do i do it to excess - Just before i came into Alcoholic Anonymous when the drink wasn't working i then started on different obsessions - relationships - cars - all the expensive gadgets - all of the outside stuff to fix an inside job - I never knew i was doing that - and what happened i ended up in a darker and darker place - it got to the point where i wanted to take my own life - and attempted it a few times - the last time i was hanging from a rope for seconds and all of my insides came away from me when i pulled myself back up - that night walking through a field i got a sense of peace that went beyond the human explanation - still to this day i don't know - Then i was get sober i thought the exact same again - all outside stuff to fix and inside job - and it left me in a pysche ward for 6 weeks back in 2010 - and from then on trying to stay sober in the mist of all that was hell on earth - i don't know how i managed it - this time around my spirit was alive when i ended up with nothing - drinking my spirit was dead - and where im coming to you about running is that they longer you run in life the more your mind be under attack - all distressing thoughts will come into your mind and you actually start believing them and start making them personal about yourself which is all false and when the mind is that way of thinking , all it wants you to do is end your life based on the fears inside your mind which is telling about yourself .
I still have these thoughts at times but there not as powerful as they are - why and how did i do it ? I stopping running and sat with the pain cause the distressing thoughts if you leave them get a hold on you can lead you into bad depression and then trying to be normal around people with that state of mind brings a lot of anxiety trying to keep it up -
The mind is very fragile .
My whole life i was consumed with fear and do you know most peoples fears are , its all do with fear of people and everyone is fearing people and everyone are so consumed with there fears no one sees there fears only themselves in there iwn minds , so its the mind that creates them and brings you into that state of mind -
Im not a doctor and im not a professional with any topic but my own experience near the end of my drinking put me nearly to death and i thought there was no way out of it - Since i was sober i buried a best friend - relationship break ups and a lot more and never drank and what im saying God will look after you - mad , sad or glad .
The problem with people why there afraid to stop running is that when you stop running you see how busy your mind was when you were running - You either numb it out and in my case drank it out but stop running and when you do the thoughts won't be as frightening as they are and you'll find your true self

I adore my mania
I don’t have proper words for my misery afterwards.
Have you tried medication yet? Cutting out stimulants and getting exercise help. Fighting for your sanity as hard as you can is one hell of a battle.

i went through this myself and only accepted it recently and it has been a huge relief to call mania/depression what they are!! here for u 💖

Im sober and clean from weed 17 years and i can't accept im an alcoholic .
The reason why you cant accept is that your fighting with it (the thoughts in your mind gets too much)
Everyone don't have it perfect , but when you do accept it and not answering thoughts in your mind , life seems to flow a lot better and as i said no one gets perfect with that either 😂😂😂 .
We be always fighting with ourselves at some stage 😂😂😂.
Im great at that .
A lot of acceptance life flows .
When not accepting it it's always shame attached to the stigma of the diagnosis

I don’t have an official diagnosis of bipolar, but it runs in my family and I have a lot of the symptoms. So much so my whole life is built around preparation for this internal clock that’s going to be the highest high or the lowest low on a day to day basis. At least for me I’ve been getting better and better and navigating the low times when my brain wants to fight everything I do. So I think it can be done.

Im sorry but youre going to have to learn to accept it. Learn to accept it, learn to manage it and move on with your life. I suffer from anxiety myself and i know what its like to not want to accept that you have this mental illness. You can do it

I don’t have much to say except I’m in the exact same boat you are right now. I know the whole “you’re not alone” bit isn’t always much of a comfort but… in any case, I feel you.

I hope you find a doctor or therapist you can trust to help you through this.

My kid went on a two year alcohol bender, and got that diagnosis - plus drugs that turned her from someone who looked and sounded like Arianna Grande into someone like Rosie O'Donnell without the intelligence. Now, she admits that she was never bipolar, just alcoholic, and that the hair won't grow back, because of the changes to the hormones she doesn't have anymore,, and she's obese forever. And a liar.

🖤

Hey. You'll be okay.
My brother who is one of my best friends is bipolar. He's managed to cope with the disorder fine. Medication will help. So will therapy.

I hope youre okay 💖

It’s better when you accept it and treat it. You can figure out your triggers and become more stable.

I hope you are okay 💖