i get asked if im autistic.. probably more often than the average person

it's super misunderstood and underdiagnosed in women because it shows differently than it does in men, including that women are better at masking. but ive been diagnosed with adhd, depression, and anxiety in the past, which all sort of go hand-in-hand with autism. when talking to someone about my unbearable shyness and how hard it is for me to talk to people, they said they think i have autism. i said, well i just have really bad anxiety. and they brought up that i may be anxious because of the autism, bc for women it's more socially acceptable to be shy. so their difficulties in social settings usually manifests into anxiety and depression and mental exhaustion.

it would also explain why i get over stimulated in scenarios where most people dont. and then my hyper-empathy and chronic people-pleasing which has pretty consistently got me in bad relationships/friendships. which autistic people can be more vulnerable to abuse. not that i have been abused. but i have been in really bad relationships

something else ive learned is women with autism are more likely to develop eating disorders. and i haven't shared that part of my life here before, but i used to be dangerously underweight lol and i still struggle

not here to self diagnose but i acknowledge the pattern is there. maybe when i have more money.. and insurance.. i'll see about an actual diagnoses. because it would be nice to know if there's a reason i am the way i am

the thought of being possibly autistic has made me wildly uncomfortable for many years and i felt embarrassed by it. even though i don't care whatsoever if other people are autistic. i, in fact, get along significantly better with other neurodivergent people. and, honestly, i still dont really love the label. but i am opening up to the possibility more