Do you think a therapist job is to...

@uncalled4 Essentially saying it's her job to say things that might make a client feel uncomfortable. Meaning her own take on what they should be doing or what they feel is the issue

@Coralmist I agree 100%. Sometimes there are growing pains. A real friend or therapist knows that reality checks are valuable. You're just not going to benefit from someone who ass-kisses all the time.

@uncalled4

Your therapist isn't your friend.

Depending on the type of therapy, their job is to guide you to telling your own self those "hard truths" when you are actually ready to take actions and can. Because even though they are your therapist, they aren't in position to determine and define solutions. This is pretty basic training.

@Miram Agreed. I was drawing a parallel between the two. No two therapists are the same. And there's no shortage of those who will just listen to you and take your money.

@uncalled4

It is basic training, not about personal differences.

The treatment has to be tailored to suit the patient, not yourself as a practitioner. This is exactly why not everyone is suited to be a therapist. Injecting your own biases too much will result in over-dependence and in case of Coral, lack of trust and likely re-traumatization. Because people like Coral already have an overly-critical mind language they adopted from a parenting style.

Professionals need be humble enough to acknowledge that they aren't encompassing ,and their own judgement can be wrong as they navigate subjectivity. Leaving solutions open ended allows patients to explore the ones that work for themselves best. You offer a bunch of doors..and be there for your patient as he/she makes the choices ..Close-ended reactions most often are simply projections. You want your patient to improve and might get carried away by that desire, but ultimately you must know that it is up to them to figure out the one that works for them best.

This is the standard.

@Miram Well one point you made, that they might get carried away by their desire for the patient to improve, was very apparent since my first few weeks with them. They kept asking over and over how long I've been in therapy, about my previous therapists, how many I'd been to, if it helped, this was several times. It just felt Too much.
I think they were fishing why I have not improved after several years of therapy and I felt low. 😟They kept saying, Did it help you? No therapist ever asked that nevermind over and over. And they said recently 'you just need to do it' about a fear I've had. It's like if I could have I would have. 😣 we need to figure out HOW I can do it, not just do it.

@Coralmist There are ways to explore your fears before you go barging into battles. You need that sense of safety and it is okay to need someone to be there for you, no matter how long it takes to get there.

@Coralmist I understand why they are saying that, but I also understand you suffered narcissistic abuse from an impressionable age which hobbled your self-esteem and confidence. There's work to be done there. That wasn't your fault. But you can heal from it. I wish I were qualified to do so. All I can do is be your coach over here on the sidelines.