The avoidant and anxious attachment style?

Yeah... I'm going down that rabbit hole again, lol

I will admit that I have a very surface level understanding of this...

But from what I do understand, and also observe, is a lot of people comparing avoidants to narcissists, which kinda doesn't make sense?
Or at least, it doesn't make sense to me, anyway

Narcs love validation and admiration and believe that they deserve it, avoidants might appreciate the attention and it might make them feel valued for like 5 seconds but the novelty will wear off and they'll just take it as others being polite because it's just something people do and validation =/= sincerity.
And too much attentions gets weird for them.

and people seem to be pinning avoidants as the bad guys and anxious attachments as the good guys,

but think about it, avoidants are terrified of being controlled, especially by narcs.
narcissists are terrified of not being able to control others, and narcs are well known to do this thing called "love bombing"

naturally, wouldn't this scare the crap out of an avoidant? even if the anxious attachment is well meaning, couldn't it easily be mistaken for a narcs love bombing or persistent persuasion?

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Yourwildestdreams · 51-55, M

Your observation does make sense. The dynamics between avoidants and narcissists can be complex and fraught with tension due to their opposing fears and behaviors. An avoidant's fear of being controlled can indeed be triggered by a narcissist's love bombing and persistent persuasion, leading to a challenging and often painful interaction.
Don’t wreck your brain trying to figure out narcissist. Just avoid them as much as you can, it’s all you can do as they will never change.
Now go get the ladder and crawl back out of that hole 🕳.
Swim free fishy 😀🤗

Madmonk · M

I think all this is pseudo science. It’s just the new social media buzz words to manipulate us to interact with one another. Fact to the matter is people like being alone more now than ever before. Modern technology has made that a reality. The Briggs Meyers personality test shows the majority who take it are introverted. The infj personality once was the rarest of personality now it’s more common than what people think. There is a shift in interpersonal relationships that’s evolutionary and probably not that healthy for our society. Long term effects for the individual? Who knows. I doubt very good.

I wouldn’t worry about what this new term or what it means. Just go outside once in awhile. Touch grass and do good things for the people in your life

Doomflower · 41-45, M

@Madmonk umm, I learned about attachment styles in college psych human development class like 15-20 years ago. Attachment theory was developed just after ww2 so it's not exactly new. I double checked myself and yeah, Thomas Bowlby was the first psychiatrist/analyst to propose it and the "strange situation experiment" by Mary Ainsworth in the mid to late 70s is still cited to this day.

Madmonk · M

@Doomflower I’ll look at it.

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