Oh hell, more unexpected bills my wife doesn't remember...

I never realized her memory is going so badly. A month or two ago we had to come up with $17,000 to cover a credit card she thought she'd been paying off, but evidently hadn't made payments on in years. Then tonight I decided I'd look through the piles of papers she keeps sorting through while watching TV and found another unpaid credit card bill for $16,000, a bill for a card we can't even identify, and a couple of other past due notices I'd never seen. I think I'm going to have to totally take over all bills but I feel like I'm I'm telling her she's no longer competent mentally as I go through the bills. She's always been a take charge person, very competent, but now it seems like it's just getting worse and worse. I feel like I'm losing her.

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dancingtongue · 80-89, M

I feel like I'm losing her

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You are in one way, but at the same time she needs you now more than ever. You definitely need to get her a medical exam, even if you have to trick her as others suggested. I was fortunate that both my late wife and my late partner who followed recognized things were getting more difficult and handed over control. Voluntarily gave up driving, financial roles, which was not easy for either as they always had been take charge, in control people as well. Your role and relationship will change; if it worsens it may be more than you can handle on your own and you will have to look at other options. But trust me -- you haven't yet lost her, until she is gone. Been there twice and once they are totally gone, it feels much different. If you would like to talk more about it, give me a pm.

Justafantasy · M

Sorry to hear that. People change without intending to. Have you taken her to a Dr lately?

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Justafantasy · M

@ChipmunkErnie Gramma was in her mid 80's when she passed away. Her and grampa looked after each other well but sometimes they needed help the last few years

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Justafantasy My mother-in-law just died from Alzheimer's a couple of months ago after a decade in assisted living. At the end she didn't even recognize her children or anyone.

Justafantasy · M

@ChipmunkErnie that would suck. I'm sorry

Scarfface · 46-50, M

I'd be checking that it's not a scam before I did anything. That amount of money would buy a lot of stuff and if it's not accountable then you need to check it out.

Carazaa · F

Addiction kills. Seems she has a shopping addiction. I would cut off her finances until she gets help otherwise you will be homeless. There are shopping addiction self-help groups, and counselors in every town. I would insist on her going every week. And make sure you tell her you must talk with the therapist too so she knows.

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Carazaa No addiction -- bills like telephone, internet, food, medicines that she thought she paid but didn't realize she'd just set aside for "later" and then never remembered. And I didn't realize she hadn't paid them and that late fees and interest charges were growing into the thousands.

Carazaa · F

@ChipmunkErnie I hope you are correct because that problem is easily fixed, you can handle the finances going forward 🙂

Mindful · 56-60, F

Sounds very necessary.

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Mindful Yes, but while she talks about Alzheimer's running in her family she seems to want to deny that it might be affecting her already in her early 70s. But this is getting scary.

Carissimi · F

This is sad. I’m sorry. 😔

Adogslife · 61-69, M

You didn’t notice $33,000 worth of stuff coming into your house 🤔

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Adogslife It wasn't "stuff" -- it was unpaid bills for things like telephone service, medicines, food, etc. Standard stuff on the charge card but she just doesn't remember that she didn't write out the check to pay the monthly bills. I thought they were being paid as usual, but she was doing things like seeing "minimum payment", paying that and not realizing it wasn't the full bill.

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ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Stereoguy That's for sure!! Takes a hell of a dent out of retirement funds, and Social Security sure isn't going to cover it. :(

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ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@swirlie Months and maybe two years of unpaid or partially paid bills, late fees, usurious interest. I THINK sometimes she paid the "minimum payment" thinking she was paying off the whole bill, not seeing the actual balance.

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