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What to do when your girlfriend is hesitant to be intimate?

I've been speaking with my girlfriend for about 1 year, and we've been exclusive for about 7 months. Things have been going pretty good and I really like her. We both currently live with our parents. Not because we can't afford our own places, we both have reasons that are too long for me to go into. Just know we are both financially stable. We often go out to restaurants and do certain activities such as bowling, movies etc... Most of the time I pay, but sometimes she pays. The biggest issue has been intimacy, it's nonexistent. We have kissed, cuddled up at park, movie theater and other places. Because we both live with our parents, and we both have really religious parents, we are unable to go to each other's houses. I've suggested us getting a hotel, but she always says, "I'll let you know" or "We will see". I've brought this topic up before and she gets uncomfortable when I do. At the end of the day, we are adults and intimacy should be part of our relationship. She tells me that she is waiting for the right person to have intercourse with (she told me she is a virgin), I am not. She mentioned if it happens it happens between us. Honestly, I feel like she doesn't really like me or else it would have happened already. I saw the signs and chose to ignore them because I really like her, and she has a lot of great qualities. But my brain is telling me I might be wasting my time. And she is only using me to go out and have fun. I feel I need to have this conversation with her one more time and be very direct and let her know if she is waiting for marriage, she needs to let me know that. So, I am not wasting my time. I've never had to wait 7 months or more to be intimate with a partner, and I would say I have been really patient. Just need advice on how I should proceed. We are going out tonight and I want to bring it up. She currently lost her grandma and has been dealing with family and work issues. So I am thinking maybe I should wait.

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rosyhills · 31-35, F

The biggest issue has been intimacy, it's nonexistent. We have kissed, cuddled up at park, movie theater and other places

Cuddling and kissing is intimacy. I'm assuming you mean sex.

At the end of the day, we are adults and intimacy should be part of our relationship.

That is your expectation, which is fine, but what you stated in the quote above is not a fact. Again, assuming by "intimacy", you mean sex...

I've brought this topic up before and she gets uncomfortable when I do.

So then stop pressuring her about it and find someone else. There are plenty of sluts in this world who will sleep with you the first night you meet her. Your female friend doesn't seem to be one, so what's the problem?

She tells me that she is waiting for the right person to have intercourse with

Again, stop pressuring her if she told you she is waiting. She gave you that information. If you are not willing to wait, then move on.

❗I said what I said and I will not argue with anyone in these comments about it.
Argue with yourself.

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NativePortlander1970 ·

@rosyhills He's about as bright as a dark room.

rosyhills · 31-35, F

@NativePortlander1970 yea, I see. And if he wasn't the original poster, I wouldn't have engaged in all that. I really thought I could help. Silly me, after all, I'm not a psychotherapist. 😄

ABCDEF7 · M

@thegreathope1 As you have asked for advice. I would advice you to just tell her few things clearly that you have posted here. A clear communications solves many problems. You both should be on same page. I hope this will help you both to clear out many things, and can save your time, and you will be able to invest your precious time with some relationship that can deliver faster material outcomes.

1. I've never had to wait 7 months or more to be intimate with a partner.
2. I feel, I might be wasting my time with you.
3. I think, you are only using me to go out and have fun.
4. I feel like you doesn't really like me or else it(sex) would have happened already.
5. You should clearly tell me if you are waiting for marriage before we can have sex?

All the Best !

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

I seen this story on Reddit a few day's ago. There was this couple they been going out for about two year's and they never had sex. One day she finally decided she was ready to have sex. They was kissing and cuddling on bed before the sex part. She seemed very nervous about something. So he asked her one more time if she was ready and she said yes. He took off her panties and omg his world changed. She really wasn't a woman but a man. They got into a huge argument and her excuse was she just hasn't had the sex change yet.

Motzu

Sometimes women want to wait till marriage.

Sometimes women are born with horrible defects, or are Hermaphrodites.

Sometimes women are just really hairy down there and procrastinate about shaving their legs or other regions.

Some women are just scared of sex.

You gotta feel out which of these is her problem. If it's marriage just ask if she is waiting till marriage.

If she's a secret Hermaphrodite, go out with her and get some Italian Gelato (I suggest coffee or butter nut pecan), and in the middle of the conversation ask her if she has a little dickie and if that's the reason she isn't putting out. Don't act like it's a big deal, just throw it out there like idle chitchat. No pressure, relationship isn't in jeopardy if you say yes, you'ld just like to know why she isn't putting out. Does she have a dickie?

If she is really really hairy.... ask yourself about her outfits. Is she always wearing full length skirts all the way down to her ankles? I got "accidentally flashed" by a college student on the steps heading down to the bus stop, she was below me, was readjusting her skirt.... I saw hairy scottish man legs. I felt like I was personally assaulted, and it bothers me half a year later still. It's best for a man not to see that sort of thing. She apologized half heartedly like it was no big deal, but it was. I'm scarred from it.

If she is scared of sex.... that's a hard one. I'd start tickling and wrestling her on a regular basis. Thrust a little on occasions when you pin her down. Light wresting, don't go all out. Act like you are evenly matched most of the time in arm to arm grappling. Get a peck or two in on her lips. And if you haven't asked her if she is a hermaphrodite yet, run your knee along her crotch and see if she squeals in pain, could be a indicator you just crushed her testies.

midnightrose · F

You wait until she is ready. But it sounds like you're becoming impatient with waiting and that sexual intimacy is very important to you. If you can't wait, you're right to move on. You could put it off a little while until she's not dealing with work or family issues but you're just putting off the inevitable. She will probably sense your distance once you make that decision in your mind.

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sylvsn59 · 61-69, M

Sounds like you've been reasonable and patient without getting a clear understanding of what the issue is. Not buying the "right guy" deal either, assuming she is around your age, she gonna wait until she's 50?
Go with your gut, have a final talk with her. Perhaps its not a great time to break up but there's always going to be reasons to put it off.
Good luck.

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@sylvsn59 Thank you, I am planning to do that. My gut is telling me to just move on. But I do agree that a final talk is needed.

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Fawma123 · 46-50, M

She just doesn't want to have sex with you .

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@Fawma123 I am starting to think that as well.

ArtieKat · M

I have a friend who describes herself as a "born-again Christian" - believes the bible absolutely, particularly that mismatched oxen can't be together. I think you just have to accept - as I did - that you have a close platonic relationship and nothing else. The decision you have to make is whether you want her to stay in your life on those terms.
@thegreathope1

Lhayezee · 26-30, F

@ArtieKat Does she believe in the unicorns in the King James Version? Or the "wild ox" of boring modern translations? #ImportantQuestions

ArtieKat · M

@Lhayezee I haven't explored the nuances of translations with her, to be honest

in10RjFox · M

She tells me that she is waiting for the right person to have intercourse with (she told me she is a virgin), I am not.

What the hell! Right person to marry is understandable. Have you told her no university gives doctorate for intercourse specialist?

It's also clear she doesn't want to marry you

Ok she can remain a virgin.. but she can use her hand and mouth.

You have problem of privacy more than intimacy.

Yes be strict and don't waste time in life.

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@in10RjFox Thank you, All I am trying to get across is if I am not the right person for her. She should just let me know. So I can move on. She can find someone that meets her needs and I can find someone who meets mine.

in10RjFox · M

@thegreathope1 when she calls , just say "I have decided to look for a new girlfriend ( a right person to have sex with) and focus on that.. so won't be able to meet you or spend time on phone or meet.. all the best for your life and wish me luck" ..

666Maggotz ·

Set her free to find a man that suits her needs.

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@666Maggotz I feel that might the best the thing to do, thank you.

Greyjedi · M

Ask if she is safe and healthy. Probably ask her other questions like if she was abused or raped. If she isn’t you have to options dump her or have an asexual relationship with her. If she has been raped or abused dump her. Chances 1/4 billion that she has any chance of feeling safe and stable with the idea of sex after something like.

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tallpowerhouseblonde · 36-40, F

There are several possibilities.
Your gf wants to wait until marriage.
Your gf is nervous about her 1st time
Your gf is not ready just as she said
Your gf is getting sex elsewhere and you are just there to pay for things.
If you cannot wait then it is best to go your separate ways.
Pro tip.You can have another woman in mind or ready to date you before you split from your current gf

Northwest · M

When guy say you’re exclusive, it means you’ve discussed what you both want out of the relationship. If you haven’t, you should start there.

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@Northwest I appreciate the advice

justanothername · 51-55, M

Does your girl friend want to wait till she is married before she has sex?

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justanothername · 51-55, M

@OldMan70 It is for some people although I think in this woman’s case that she’s probably stringing him along.

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thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@OldMan70 Thats how I feel, she is playing games and leading me on. I plan to leave and find someone else.

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Primnproper · 56-60, F

It sounds like she’s holding out for marriage and wants to save it till then to me.

BigBulge · 41-45, M

You need to go out and find someone who deserves you. Seriously.

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SilentSaturn · 26-30, M

Leave her and move on

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Teslin · M

I feel you basically have 2 options.
1) She clearly mentioned that she is a virgin and is waiting for "marriage". Or at least 100% sure it will be with the person she will marry. So, if you like her that much and you feel she "could be the one", be patient.

2) If not, move on.

Again, just my opinion.

Baremine · 70-79, C

Sounds to me like you are just wanting another notch on your belt. Don't push your luck. I get married a hell of a lot younger than you are now. She sounds like a real gem. Use your hand or if that is all you want drop her. You don't deserve her.

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

She wants a ring

zonavar68 · 56-60, M

Take a chill pill. You don't need intimacy or sex to have a good relationship bro.

If it bothers you go your own way and become single and free

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robertsnj · 56-60, M

a few more pieces of info please:
what religion are you two?
is this someone you want to marry?
is no sex until marriage her stance and is your stance no marriage unless sex first?

OverTheHill · 56-60, M

WWJD?

Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M

Based on what I’ve read, you guys aren’t a good match do yourself a favor and move on, there’s plenty of women out there.

zonavar68 · 56-60, M

@Moneyonmymind There's no shame in being single and thriving.

Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M

@zonavar68 too many people fear being alone I don’t get it

NativePortlander1970 ·

She's not ready, leave it alone.

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NativePortlander1970 ·

@thegreathope1 You seem like someone, by how your post contextualizes, that you only want sex trying to bribe her with dates, as well as pressuring her, making her not want it even more. You have a lot to learn about women.

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@NativePortlander1970 Well women have a lot to learn about men. As stated above I moved on she hit me up saying she wanted to get back together. Because she liked how I treated her. Intimacy is part of a relationship. If she is waiting to get married. She should state that and stand on it. Not say things like we will see, or if it happens it happens

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thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@HootyTheNightOwl I have discussed this before with her. Why would I waste 7 months and a bunch of money. Just to get my rocks off?

HootyTheNightOwl

@thegreathope1 Apparently so, given that your definition of "intimacy" is "sex".

thegreathope1 · 31-35, M

@HootyTheNightOwl Well I have also included that we have kissed and cuddled which is also part of intimacy. Never stated that sex was the only form of intimacy

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