Romantic
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Give me 3 good reasons for Finding love

Despite being afraid of it, intimidated, and having an anxiety disorder...😞

Those things hold me back IMMENSELY. How can I feel I am something good to offer, when fear and a feeling of being broken is my life?
But I long for that missing piece in my life SO much..love, connection, touch. 🌹🥺 💗
What are reasons to try anyway???
Northwest · M
Love makes you happy, hopeful and inspired. It also gives you a renewed purpose.

I am always inspired by what Gibran said about love.

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself
He threshes you to make your naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your heart you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Northwest That is simply beautiful 💜
ATripToNowhere · 46-50, M
When your world is on fire and tranquility seems worlds away, just close your eyes and hold out your hands. Give your emotions a chance to play. Think of something more refreshing, feel it within your heart. Let it overpower you and bring about a brand new start. When your heart is falling apart and love seems like it has died, think back and reminisce of the joyful tears that you've cried. Open your heart to newer things. Explore nature's changing ways. Welcome them in with open arms and your sadness will fade away.

When tranquility seems worlds away, motivate yourself to move on. Forget about your wicked past and feed on the encouragement that you've come upon. Smile with every passing minute. Breathe happy and positive breaths. Give your heart some time to heal, for you will truly feel blessed. Seek fortune and fame. Be meek and humble. Patience will do you good. Be happy that you are alive. Do things you never thought you could. Make friends with strangers. Be helpful and kind. Be a role model and a mentor. Keep tranquility in mind when anger gets the best of you and someone is starting a fight. Tell yourself that you are better. Keep your eye on that shining light. Every day is always different, unpredictable and cruel, but when you've conquered tranquility, you'll find yourself in a world of new.

It calls out to you like a song on the wind, envelopes your heart in its warm embrace. Get lost in the wondrous feeling as you fall forever into another magical universe filled with endless passion. Find yourself... in love
Well.....

There are a lot of ways to look at that conundrum...

First, do you have a really good doctor that can recommend someone that might possibly address your anxiety(s). IE..I have a close relative that would occasionally experience SEVERE anxiety .... as in I would get calls from her work that the paramedics were there and say she needs to go to the hospital because her BP was off the charts (in stroke territory). Eventually one of the nurses at her primary care doctor's office, when told of this anxiety thing, said "you need to see my friend ______" at _______ clinic. As the story goes, she got an appointment with the recommended "doctor friend" and it took several weeks for the "doctor friend" to find the right combination of meds..... but my relative has fully recovered, and she has told me that it has been at least several years since she has had any anxiety issues.

Second, Dating (at least for me) was a lot like an initial meeting. I flat out refused to ask someone out for dinner or any other social engagement (like a wedding or reception). Because before committing (if you want to call it that) I wanted to get to know who I was with.... as in getting together in a setting where we could converse at length... IE, Coffee, Bowling, a Baseball game (yeah boring, but gives you lots of time to chat). Yes, physical attraction is important.... but what I wanted to do is get to know a little (or a lot) about someone..... (IE yes the dreaded words..... like a mini-interview). YOU can also be the one to initiate these...don't be afraid to ask a guy out to coffee or whathaveyou, ... they often will be flattered by the gesture. You can also suggest to go dutch (that tends to alleviate any untold expectations of either party)

Third, As RebelFox eluded to: ..... there is the "passing in the night" thing... where-in you meet someone, somewhere at sometime and it just clicks. These are often called "one night stands" and they serve the purpose of sating your primal needs.... in a primal fashion. Just make sure you USE PROTECTION. There is NO way that this qualifies as "dating".... but it often is very good for both your ego and your self-esteem....

In closing....I recommend the first approach...if you can find a good doctor and address the anxiety thing then everything else should fall into place naturally....
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Threepio Ty for a reflective reply. I dont knoe how much meds would help this specific fear... I would need to alleviate the fear Im not enough , and while meds help people calm down in the moment, its the root notion that makes me petrified sometimes. I agree a meet up should be really casual, like coffee. But my mind still says, You wont be enough long term for them, so stop. 😞
RebelFox · 36-40, F
I’m gonna be very blunt and take me lightheartedly, but have you considered trying to make physical connections? Like meeting someone new and not worrying about where it goes, when it ends, if it lasts. Take all the anxiety out of it and get touched 🖤 Enjoy yourself, let someone enjoy you.

I had been struggling hard. I think I’m a pretty great package, but because of my fears I attracted people that took too much. I gave too much. I wanted love, but couldn’t find anything comparable to what I had to offer.

So some might say this is shitty of me, but I go out every night I am free and explore myself through other people. I leave all my expectations behind and leave the experience open. I spent so much time alone, seeking within. I found I liked myself and didn’t need the love I thought I did. I don’t need attachment, but I desire connection. So I meet new people, I have sex with those I connect to. With an open mind, you find that people are more receptive. More giving. I understand I’m not going to find something long term this way, but I’m teaching myself how to be affectionate, what to seek and shy from in partners, how to say no, how to say yes 😏

You should figure out your way. I’m only sharing my experience to show there are so many different ways to break yourself out of anxiety. To free yourself from fear. Face the things that terrify you and have fun. Even if you don’t like it, you’ve learned something and that’s all you do I think. Keep growing.

I still believe someone might come along that I want to stay, but for now, the ball is my court, and that feels liberating! When you’re free, the possibilities are endless. The fear becomes a reason to push your boundaries. And love comes from within because your needs are met as best they can be.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@RebelFox I think thats a good idea, just forget what will he think of me?? Am I enough etc? And just embrace that meetup ONLY..with flirting or touch etc. I like that, ty my friend. And Im glad you are embracing YOU. ❣️
RebelFox · 36-40, F
@Coralmist Exactly. Because there’s so many different levels of attraction, you meet people where you can grow from them. A place where YOU are getting what you need. Because you are inherently enough and from what I know of you on here, an incredible catch. So that’s not the issue 🖤 You are wonderful. And the people you meet are also wonderful in their own way. We are meant to share I think. But there is stigma, so many things that make us feel inadequate. But showing someone who you are, what you have inside and sharing primal intimacy, it’s only gonna show you more about yourself.

I felt shitty at first, but then I dissected the space between what we shared and realized much of my fear was insecurity. And once I let that go, I started reallllyyyy enjoying myself and now I’m booked 😆 they’re lining up. And I’m connected to them in a cool way. It’s not weird. It’s just honest.

Think a lot of you lady 🖤
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@RebelFox Thank you for those kind words Fox, truly. That means a lot. 🌹🌻🤗🦄
Love (being loved and loving someone) will remind you to appreciate the best parts of yourself.

The right love will add meaning to day to day existence. It will make you embrace the parts of yourself you are concerned about because the other person will show you you’re worth being loved.

I wish you find the love that you’re looking for.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@CookieCrumbs Ty so much. 🐞
WhateverWorks · 36-40
Everyone has issues. The question is whether the individual is actively addressing those issues. As long as you’re genuinely working on ways to effectively ground yourself and finding ways to still do the things your anxiety makes harder then you’re not bringing problems to the relationships. What you’re bringing is a proactive person with a solution oriented mindset who is also compassionate to when their partner has challenges come up.


And, real talk, if you’re not doing what needs to be done to get your anxiety to a manageable level then that’s where the focus should be, so that way when you enter a relationship you can feel confident that you are doing everything within your ability to keep progressing.
CestManan · 46-50, F
I have a hard time believing you are not getting any offers even in real life.
Maybe do what rebelfox said and just hope for the best. At least you will have people around.
Most men will sleep with any woman they can.

40 is no age to "wait it out" any longer.

One thing though - just be real careful not to get pregnant because if that happens and you are toting around a kid for umpteen years, then the chances of finding anything long term will be next to impossible. Not to mention that no part of your life will belong to you.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@CestManan I have gotten offers, I feel not enough to accept them. And it tears me apart because its not that I dont want intimacy or love, its because it doesn't seem realistic a guy will STAY with me when anxiety is a part of me ( i dont travel, I decline social things sometimes etc). But Im seeing many here said they wouldnt mind someone with anxiety, as long as the woman was open, kind etc. 🐦
CestManan · 46-50, F
@Coralmist At least you get offers. Some of us will probably die alone against our will.
At our age though, neither us nor our peers are trying to live the wild life anymore so that isn't an issue.
You should accept some offers because even if it doesn't work out and they skip, you won't be in any worse position than you are now.

EDIT - what is the old saying? Once you are at rock bottom the only way you can even go is up.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@CestManan Thank you, appreciate that🌟🐞
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Thevy29 lol!!!!
SW-User
It depends on your heart and soul. I have a lot of anxiety and trust issues when finding love. Yet, I persevere. You can too, you have many great qualities. We have singing in common, for example. You need to find the right one, the person has to have something good to offer you too. You seem very sweet too. The right niche, would be your comfort zone I think. I hope that helps
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@SW-User You made some wonderful points, ty Storm🙂
SW-User
@Coralmist Don't hesitate to pm me any time. :)
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@SW-User Thx, and it was very kind of you to say Im sweet, appreciate that. 🦋
TexChik · F
Sometimes it finds you, and once you feel it you will know why you need it.
SledgeHammer · 46-50, M
Get a puppy and all your answers will come to you...
Ontheroad · M
Simple really... "But I long for that missing piece in my life SO much..love, connection, touch". You stated the most compelling "reasons to try anyway".

1. Love
2. Connection.
3. Touch.

How can anyone state 3 better reasons?
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Ontheroad Thats so true. Ty friend. I just dont feel I offer much to HAVE those things. I do offer love and compassion but I have anxiety disorder, so I feel Im not whole for a guy.
Ontheroad · M
@Coralmist I have a stepdaughter (my ex and I are divorced but I have a good relationship with her children) with anxiety disorder, and while I know it covers a wide spectrum, I have seen what it can do... at least in her case. She is a lovely, bright, intelligent woman, who when it hit her, was so fearful she would go into a full on panic/anxiety attack at just the thought of going to work or really going anywhere. Her old self confident self disappeared. All sorts of things happened, including her withdrawing and feeling like she had nothing to offer anyone for any reason. We got her into therapy, even an inpatient thing for 10 days with outpatient afterwards. Long story short, through counseling and medications she learned to manage it... all except her feeling of being a worthy mate/lover and companion. She voiced the same words you voiced. She felt she had nothing to offer but this wreck of a person.

That went on for a coupe of years until one day she went to see her doctor for what I can't remember, who had just hired a new nurse. A male nurse. He liked her, she wanted to like him, but was afraid. Finally, fears and all, she went on a date with him. Today she is happily married and ahs been for 3 years plus. He adores her, the imperfect, anxiety filled person she is, he says, the best thing that ever happened to him.

Be strong, know you are worthy and you will find the right guy... or he will find you.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Ontheroad That is really inspiring..thank you, truly. I feel that, like I offer a wreck of a person. But that is so refreshing that someone STILL MIGHT find my other traits MORE than the anxiety that keeps me small. I appreciate your story, ty again. It gives me hope when most days I feel defeated.🦋🌈💜 So happy for your step daughter!
Boleuskas · M
Happines and that is it
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
It’s better to find someone you share things with. You can go on a day trip by yourself but when you share it with someone you love it multiplies the fun.
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
When you find the right one, you won't feel any of that with them. It will feel easy and natural.
What drives me is knowing my brain isn't going to let me stop. It will make me miserable until I try.
rrraksamam · 31-35, M
But I long for that missing piece in my life SO much..love, connection, touch. 🌹🥺 💗
There's your reason
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@rrraksamam Thanks so much. Then my mind makes it even more complicated..if I feel a missing piece, like touch or love, do I Deserve it? Thats where I get stuck.
rrraksamam · 31-35, M
@Coralmist If your heart is pure, if your intentions are pure, then yes, you deserve love.

I have discovered that some people here don't deserve love. Because they don't have the best intentions to begin with.
Love is a two way street. Some people only like to receive. Because their hearts are too cold and numb to reciprocate.
JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M
Just fall into it. Let yourself go.
AthrillatheHunt · 51-55, M
Oral
Vaginal
Anal
Muthafukajones · 46-50, M
You’re most likely to kill a SO, so if you’ve ever wanted to become a serial killer… you gotta kiss a few frogs! 🐸
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Muthafukajones Im unsure your meaning, sorry lol..serial killer???
Muthafukajones · 46-50, M
@Coralmist I was being twisted.

Of course you should look for love! What’s life without it?!
[media=https://youtu.be/V6hQ9HSKlIE]
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
If you feel it would add something to your life, go for it. But, one does not need love like one needs food or air or shelter, no matter what pop culture or tradition says.
candycane · 31-35, F
Only way I see it is you stand up to your fears and get that courage up and say I'm gonna do this no matter the cost and go for it
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@candycane Ty friend🌺 I just feel Im letting a guy down with having so much anxiety😞
candycane · 31-35, F
@Coralmist once you get over meeting him it will all go away. It's like being on stage the first time with stage fright. But after a Lil bit u think I'm doing it and you feel confident
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@candycane Ty so much. Im also referring to general anxiety not related to love..like will he want a woman who stays in more than goes out? Who doesnt travel due anxiety etc.? I feel they wont find me enough, than a woman who can do those things. 😢

 
Post Comment