Do you get self conscious if someone...

Happens to *check you out*?

This happened a few days ago and today. A guy looked at me and kept looking back at me , and while I feel a rush of excitement, I feel so self conscious too. I looked away, both times, When what I really wanted to do was smile. I guess it's my self esteem, which is low. I'll think, 'You're not looking at much buddy' I really wish I could ever feel ok about myself. Do you ever experience that?

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M

When I first lost weight and noticed women smiling at me for the first time, it really weirded me out. I never had the self-confidence to play that game of flirting with your eyes, so I was at a loss of what to do.

I'm normally very aloof in public so I can easily pretend not to notice or care, but it does weigh on me throughout the day or week. I've never really felt attractive before, or really cared about physical attractiveness in others, so it was just odd and confusing being roped into that mindset. I figured that it would go away if I ignored it. I've spent most of my life not getting attention and I'm really more comfortable that way.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@TinyViolins I'm essentially the same way. I can not really compute consciously someone interested in me. I get so uptight I look away. But if they only knew that's not what I want to do. Ughh.

TinyViolins · 31-35, M

@Coralmist I think IRL flirting might be too much for someone that it doesn't come naturally to. I saw my confidence grow from dating apps where I was able to respond and react at my own pace.

When I first matched with my current gf, I just shut the phone off and took a few hours to ponder my response. By the time I opened my phone again she had already messaged me, and the rest was just slowly building up to the point where I felt good enough to ask her out and eventually to be my partner.

Have you tried talking with guys online or testing your luck on dating apps?

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@TinyViolins I have not tried dating apps, very intimidating. I am going to try to do a group meetup hopefully this spring or summer to get out of my comfort zone and I'd be happy Even making a Friend.

TinyViolins · 31-35, M

@Coralmist Some people can jump straight in and others need to take things one step at a time. I certainly fell into the latter category. I think you would benefit from communicating at a distance until you're comfortable enough for talking on the phone, then eventually trying out in-person conversations.

Trust is a fragile thing, so getting to the point where you trust yourself to handle attention should probably be done delicately. There are definitely people out there who are willing to be patient with you if you give it a chance. It's hard for sensitive people to jump right into things with somebody, so it might work out better if you look for people that are more on your wavelength.

I wish you the best of luck. It's tough to get the ball rolling, but it gets easier with time 😊

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@TinyViolins Thank you