What is this urge to share that I can't make go away?

I've heard so much advice saying I shouldn't want to feel connected to others. I shouldn't want love. I shouldn't want or need comfort or support. I should be an army of one and never complain about the ache in my heart.

But I can't do it. Does it make me weak? I don't think I'm weak, and I definitely figured out how to be alone. I'm a high achiever at solitude and I'm basically okay...

But I can't make the longing to feel like I have a home go away. I'm tired of being told to be alone. I'm tired of feeling like I have to be alone. Why? Why do people get to experience love, family and friendship, but I'm not supposed to ever dream of being touched or feeling safe?

I can't turn off what's in my heart. But I know in order to exist, I have to turn everything off so I'm quiet and tolerable and nobody has to care about me...

I'm just not buying it anymore. I do need a lot of space. I'm introverted and happily do my own thing, but my heart aches to share. If I'm supposed to not have any wants or needs, why am I human? Why am I sweet and caring? Why do I have so much love to give?

I don't need to be told to love myself. I'm beyond those issues and well into my peace and contentment. And I don't want to be told to just be alone anymore. I want someone to say, I'll be your friend, you're worth it. Why can't I have that? Why do people think it's a pity party that I want human connection after I lost my family? 😂

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pripyatamusementpark

Community is important and at the same time something stops me from having real connections...it's most likely fear of being hurt time and time again ...it wears on me after awhile and I grow tired of that ...but on the other hand it's the risk we take for connections

MarbleMarvel

@pripyatamusementpark it's extremely difficult to connect with people when you're genuine and a little dark/quirky/weird. I'm afraid too. It gets tiresome to put effort into a person only to find out they're shallow and/or unwilling to share their true self. Or to be rejected because your authenticity is intimidating. To be the odd one out because you use your brain...

pripyatamusementpark

@MarbleMarvel it gets tiresome and my heart is tired

MarbleMarvel

@pripyatamusementpark

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

I am shocked.
Who, on earth, gave you this piece of advice?

I, for one, would never ever tell you this.

Human beings are created to be together... friendships, partners, coworkers, family, community... those are essential needs for a person.

Please try to change this paradigm and allow yourself some respite.

Yes, you do need a social cycle. You do need friends. Matter of fact, we could be friends if you'd like, but it is even better when you have some in real life.

Don't let society dictate your needs, to each their own. To each their needs. Respect yours.

WillaKissing · 56-60

I totally understand what you have said. My parents are long past, lost my son to suicide and my daughter alienated herself from me right after my son's death (I raised both by myself), I have been single for 17 plus years, and I am tired of being told just because I am a heterosexual cross dresser that I will never have a woman to share life with.

So, you are not alone in this feeling.

Willa

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

Modern society is not meant for healthy connection. The goal of modern society, sadly by design - is alienation. Which in turn fuels consumption.

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GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@MarbleMarvel The good news is that it's already changing and all will be well in the end. The bad news is that it's going to be a messy ride.

MarbleMarvel

@GeistInTheMachine do you see good in the end?

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@MarbleMarvel Yes. Despite man's best efforts to the contrary.

Sutten · 36-40, F

I'm sorry you are going through this. I sincerely hope things work out for you and you get what your heart desires.

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MarbleMarvel

@CountScrofula that's how I feel too. I've tried to suppress that need and it's not working. Maybe because I used to know how it felt?

But yeah for years I've been hearing to love myself and enjoy being alone. And okay I mastered that but I feel life has less meaning without sharing.

I have to move to find new opportunities. I've been hesitant. I'm attached to an older version of what life was here. It's not coming back though.

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

@MarbleMarvel Oof, yeah I get that. That's a hard decision.

But yeah the notion that we should exist by just being isolated individuals who have to believe REALLY HARD in ourselves is ludicrous. That's just not how humans work. Nobody in human history has ever accomplished anything entirely on their own, we are always building off of others.

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