What is this urge to share that I can't make go away?

I've heard so much advice saying I shouldn't want to feel connected to others. I shouldn't want love. I shouldn't want or need comfort or support. I should be an army of one and never complain about the ache in my heart.

But I can't do it. Does it make me weak? I don't think I'm weak, and I definitely figured out how to be alone. I'm a high achiever at solitude and I'm basically okay...

But I can't make the longing to feel like I have a home go away. I'm tired of being told to be alone. I'm tired of feeling like I have to be alone. Why? Why do people get to experience love, family and friendship, but I'm not supposed to ever dream of being touched or feeling safe?

I can't turn off what's in my heart. But I know in order to exist, I have to turn everything off so I'm quiet and tolerable and nobody has to care about me...

I'm just not buying it anymore. I do need a lot of space. I'm introverted and happily do my own thing, but my heart aches to share. If I'm supposed to not have any wants or needs, why am I human? Why am I sweet and caring? Why do I have so much love to give?

I don't need to be told to love myself. I'm beyond those issues and well into my peace and contentment. And I don't want to be told to just be alone anymore. I want someone to say, I'll be your friend, you're worth it. Why can't I have that? Why do people think it's a pity party that I want human connection after I lost my family? 😂