Need to Vent

Your mom is scared, plain and simple. She's acting out because she doesn't know how to handle the situation and no matter what she said, I guarantee she scared she's going to lose you and that you love your stepmom more. Please just give her some time. She's hurting and I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. She was just trying her best effort and all she knew at the time, to try to make you see and realize that she's your mom and she always will be and that she doesn't want to lose you. I know that makes no sense given what she said, but she didn't mean it. Please don't take it personally. She doesn't know which way to turn right now. She probably feels she has lost her baby and she's not angry at you. She's angry at the stepmom. This causes great conflict in the relationship. She really wants you and needs you right now just as much as you want and need her. It would be so wonderful if you could go give her a hug and tell her how much you love her. And I'm sure she would do the same for you because she loves you and she needs you. What she said was just an off-the-cuff comment as she was panicking. These situations are so hard. Mom don't come perfect and kids don't come with instructions. She's at a loss right now and so scared she's going to lose you. So I think she was thinking to just let you go so you can have the freedom she thinks you're looking for and maybe you are I don't know but she figured by telling you to go ahead and go that it might make you think twice. That you might actually realize how much you do really love your mom. She's just feeling very insecure right now. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. People say crazy things when they're out of their mind with worry. I hope you will forgive her and try to make that relationship work. We only have one mom and I don't care how many times a stepmom says she's your mom, she's not and she'll never love you like your mother. I will pray for you and your family and it would help if you could do that as well. Prayer works wonders. I know you are hurting right now and rightly so, but in the future, it would be good if you could keep what happens when you're with your stepmom, separate from when you're with your real mother. Cuz she just really doesn't know what to do and she has no power to do anything and that's really really upsetting her. When you are with your stepmom she feels like she has lost you and everything is out of control. That is very heartbreaking for a mother to feel. And the worst thing you could do is tell your mom what's your step mom said or does when she is with you as your stepmom could use that as a pawn to cause friction between you and your mom. And if and even if she doesn't, that still doesn't work. I'm so sorry you are caught in the middle honey. I'm sure they both love you but what goes on there is what goes on there and should be kept separate from what goes on at your house. And to keep the peace, what goes on at your house should never be spoken about to your stepmom and your stepmom should never ask you to be in the middle and give your mom messages or anything. That's very hurtful. I hope I have not upset you with my message. I'm just trying to help best I know how. Know that none of this is your fault. If your stepmom talks about your mom, don't tell your mom. And if your stepmom wants you to give your mom a message, just tell her I really don't think that's for me to do. You'll have to talk to Mom yourself and that way maybe she'll get the hint that she can't use you as a pawn if that's what she's doing. That never works out. I'm so sorry you're going through this honey. ❤ Hugs

That relationship will never be good as long as there's a step mom around and I can understand why she would hate her.
To improve your life...get a good job and meet new people and make friends and start a new life. Or...go to college...away somewhere...live there.....your life will be so much better making new friends and getting an education for a good paying career job.... Going to college gets you of that house and away from your mom to a new exciting life. Take it serious and learn new things to be able to make some good money and have a good life for yourself. Your current condition will only get worse

well, obviously shes upset that you have plans or whatever with your stepmom. she probably takes this as a sign of disloyalty. Your mother is likely coming form a place of pain and i doubt she meant what she said. try to be understanding. she is her own person too. there is also the possibility of borderline personality disorder which can come out when a person is under stress. that sounds like something a person with BPD might say. it doesnt sound liek she said shed disown you. Just that she wanted you to move out. Which, for her sake and yours I would if you can. If you want to make amends with your mom Id stop being so friendly with your stepmother. I don tthink she can make it any clearer that shes pissed about it.

You live in your parents house.............and yet are seen by your mom as still being influenced by...... guided by.........someone who is trying to replace the job of a mother.

Let me put it this way. Suppose you are married to a guy that is divorced. Every now and then he goes to be with his ex-wife to talk to her..........supposedly about things he can't talk to you about.

Are you pissed off he goes to her and not to you?

Same exact thing in your mom's eyes.

I would like to hear your mom's side of this story.