Need to Vent

I just got yelled at by my mom and I don't understand why. For some context Im the middle child and Im currently looking for a job because I didn't want to attend university like my older sister did. Im still living with my mother and siblings. So today I got a call from my step mother who I have a good relationship with and she asked to talk to me,I have no idea what she wants to talk about but I'll find out tomorrow I guess. I told my mom about this because we usually tell her where we're going and with who so she knows where we are. And when my mom came back from work she just exploded at me saying I don't appreciate her being my mother and that I love my step mom more than I love her,and she threatened me that if my step mother says anything my mom doesn't like I'll be forced to move out,so basically my mom will kick me out and disown me. I told her that I don't understand why she's angry and asked her to explain but she just repeated the same thing. This has been going on since my younger sibling was born. I don't have a problem with her I got used to being ignored and stuff but I still don't understand why Im getting blamed even if I didn't do anything. My last resort was to just not say anything because at that point I really didn't have anything to say and I was just questioning my entire existence since she told me she regretted having me. It hurts really bad,I don't usually cry but this has me crying non stop for about an hour now. My older sister isn't home so I don't know what to do or who to turn to. My father isn't even in the country since he's a truck driver and now Im just scared to say anything to anyone because it'll only cause more trouble for me. So after this long and most likely not even understandable speech I want to ask if anyone has been through the same,and if yes what did you do that helped you?

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LadyGrace ·

Your mom is scared, plain and simple. She's acting out because she doesn't know how to handle the situation and no matter what she said, I guarantee she scared she's going to lose you and that you love your stepmom more. Please just give her some time. She's hurting and I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. She was just trying her best effort and all she knew at the time, to try to make you see and realize that she's your mom and she always will be and that she doesn't want to lose you. I know that makes no sense given what she said, but she didn't mean it. Please don't take it personally. She doesn't know which way to turn right now. She probably feels she has lost her baby and she's not angry at you. She's angry at the stepmom. This causes great conflict in the relationship. She really wants you and needs you right now just as much as you want and need her. It would be so wonderful if you could go give her a hug and tell her how much you love her. And I'm sure she would do the same for you because she loves you and she needs you. What she said was just an off-the-cuff comment as she was panicking. These situations are so hard. Mom don't come perfect and kids don't come with instructions. She's at a loss right now and so scared she's going to lose you. So I think she was thinking to just let you go so you can have the freedom she thinks you're looking for and maybe you are I don't know but she figured by telling you to go ahead and go that it might make you think twice. That you might actually realize how much you do really love your mom. She's just feeling very insecure right now. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. People say crazy things when they're out of their mind with worry. I hope you will forgive her and try to make that relationship work. We only have one mom and I don't care how many times a stepmom says she's your mom, she's not and she'll never love you like your mother. I will pray for you and your family and it would help if you could do that as well. Prayer works wonders. I know you are hurting right now and rightly so, but in the future, it would be good if you could keep what happens when you're with your stepmom, separate from when you're with your real mother. Cuz she just really doesn't know what to do and she has no power to do anything and that's really really upsetting her. When you are with your stepmom she feels like she has lost you and everything is out of control. That is very heartbreaking for a mother to feel. And the worst thing you could do is tell your mom what's your step mom said or does when she is with you as your stepmom could use that as a pawn to cause friction between you and your mom. And if and even if she doesn't, that still doesn't work. I'm so sorry you are caught in the middle honey. I'm sure they both love you but what goes on there is what goes on there and should be kept separate from what goes on at your house. And to keep the peace, what goes on at your house should never be spoken about to your stepmom and your stepmom should never ask you to be in the middle and give your mom messages or anything. That's very hurtful. I hope I have not upset you with my message. I'm just trying to help best I know how. Know that none of this is your fault. If your stepmom talks about your mom, don't tell your mom. And if your stepmom wants you to give your mom a message, just tell her I really don't think that's for me to do. You'll have to talk to Mom yourself and that way maybe she'll get the hint that she can't use you as a pawn if that's what she's doing. That never works out. I'm so sorry you're going through this honey. ❤ Hugs