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Just a lil vent

It is difficult going on social media seeing many go on amazing summer vacations. I long so much to just do a day trip to the beach..but feel so guilty as my ill sister , who always came with me, cannot go. I feel terrible to go without her.
I am jobless and having PTSD really does not aid that issue. It sucks seeing also most go out and work and have money while I scrimp whenever possible. Then on top of it all everyone around me has a bf or husband and love. That stings the most..watching so many date or find love and you feel unworthy of it from multiple issues. Like you don't even have a right to it. I feel i hang by a thread everyday. I do keep a sliver of hope that I can find the right therapy soon to truly help me find a semblance of life or joy.
TinyViolins · 31-35, M
I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. Loneliness sucks, and it often invites hopelessness and self-loathing to the party.

From personal experience, lonely people find ways to withdraw from the world out of fear of being rejected. It's a coping mechanism where they rationalize their feelings of shame and inadequacy and use it to predict (and by extension self-fulfill) situations and encounters that haven't even happened yet.

Not to say that there isn't work to do, but people often tend to accept the love they think they deserve. What helped me the most to break my habit of isolation was a simple phrase: give yourself a chance

Instead of worrying how your sister may feel, give yourself a chance to enjoy some beach time by asking if its okay to leave her behind for a day. Maybe bring something back for her. If she really loves you, I imagine she would feel worse knowing that she's holding you back from enjoying something.

When it comes to jobs, give yourself a chance to make some money by accepting jobs that are not very demanding or provide ample time alone. Everybody has to start somewhere, so even if the job is not up to your standards, you can use it as a platform to jump to one you might prefer.

Same thing with dating. Maybe you have to build your confidence up by going on some practice dates. If that's too much, maybe try working on your flirting or conversation skills with someone you can trust. I was almost 34 by the time I got my first girlfriend. I felt like I was in way over my head a lot of the time, but I just took things slow and kept giving myself opportunities to build my self-esteem and commitment to the idea of a relationship

I think you have a ton of admirable traits and considering how shrewd I can be with people, I don't imagine that I'd be the only one. Just be kind and patient with yourself. Nobody's life follows a script. You always have a choice, and I hope you choose to give yourself a chance.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@TinyViolins Thanks..I definitely future tell and self fulfill negative events. But, it is true that many men WILL ditch me for having severe anxiety. That I won't be able to do the activities they will want , travel etc. So I do keep myself away from rejection that will make me feel I am never enough. What I forget is some people will not possibly ditch me..amd maybe love me despite my issues. But it is very painful to go out and hope to find that smaller percentage. But if I know I need to just stand in who I am ..even if others see me as Less. Whether a guy, a boss or friend. Getting to that acceptance is hard..but I do want to get there. Thanks.
TinyViolins · 31-35, M
@Coralmist Nobody is perfect, but it helps to be upfront with issues and problems. Honesty in relationships go a long way, including self-honesty. Having answers to questions like where are you now, where do you want to be, what steps do you plan on taking to get there, is a giant relief for people.

My girlfriend struggled with depression and anxiety when we first started dating, and since then she has gradually stopped taking her meds and even her therapist told her she didn't really need her services anymore.

It is hard, for some more than others. Everyone has their skeletons. But I think that as long as we can admit that and are willing to work on addressing them, it can keep those problems from tanking the relationship.

The thing to remember is that you don't need everyone to like you. Not everyone will. All you need to do is find one person that is right for you. There's a lot of people out there. Statistically speaking, you should be able to at least find one.
daydeeo · 61-69, M
Have you ever heard of the Desiderata?

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
SingleBHM · 56-60, M
My best wishes, you can overcome all that is happening to you.

I know what you feel. There is also many other people who are having the same problems as you. Solidarity with you.
JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M
Hang in there!

I hope you find the path and it leads to a peaceful cove.
Camelia · F
Why do you think you're not able to find love? This is a sincere query.
Musicman · 61-69, M
May God bless and watch over you 🙏🙏🙏

 
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