I hope I'll die soon...

What I wanted in this life never came true. Everyone bullied me.
Everyone used me.
Everyone lied to me.
Everyone hated me.
Everyone said I was mentally ill because of the things I loved.
Nobody took me seriously.
I didn't get enough love and attention from my family.
I have been traumatized many times.
There was no one I could hug when I cried.
I hesitate to tell even my best friend what I really want.
Even those who said they could do what I wanted got bored of me.
I know I am a disgusting person and I absolutely deserve to die...

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Tarxarin · 31-35, M

I think life has stacked the cards against you certainly.

But, your life is important than yesterday and the today.

I'd say it's about who you could be.

That said, my sister killed herself and what she didn't know is the void left behind.

She was savagely bullied, abused, raped, hurt by her parents.

Yeah she had mental illnesses, did drugs, wasn't the best person.

But she loved life, she was super super strong and she was there for me when I needed her and she help save my life.

I think you could help people to, not just family, but many people need help out of being bullied and abused.

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PhoenixPhail · M

@Tarxarin You tried. 🤷‍♂️
Some people are just stuck in victimhood.

ForensicExpert · 22-25, F

@PhoenixPhail huh? Is he right.

PhoenixPhail · M

@ForensicExpert He wasn't belittling you. He was supporting the goodness in you that you're keeping yourself from seeing by closing yourself off with your resistance. It's quite understandable you would have very bad feelings about what's happened to you. Being bullied, lied to and told you're mentally ill are hard things to take. Your hard feelings about all of that is a natural response to very unnatural circumstances. But you can get beyond those feelings and experience the joy of your True Self, if you want to. The shift won't happen overnight. But you can begin your journey today out of living your life from a reactive place to a more responsive place. There's a great deal of information and help on how to find your path of recovery. You can do this.

Pfuzylogic · M

This can be a good place to share with others that you trust.
People here don’t go away as frequently as they might irl and i rarely see judgement.
Welcome to SW

Abstraction · 61-69, M

I'm sorry you're in that place. I was in a very dark, strangulating darkness for many years. I don't know how I survived.

I did.

And I found life on the other side.

I don't care what you've done. You didn't deserve to be treated badly. I wish for you to find life, love, happiness.

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

I felt like that for 10 years when I was that age and earlier. Your life has not even begun though, my advice is change what you can in your control and hold yourself accountable to doing that.

Do things today that make tomorrow better. Think about what you want and your mind will tell you what you aren't doing. Start doing them. That's part of how I cured my depression and anxiety.

And btw I've had some truly horrible experiences in life. But that's the past.