Jayciedubb · 56-60, M
Looking back, I think it was the Army and war that changed me the most, followed by responsibility. I used to be an outdoors nut, spending most of my free time boating, camping, fishing, riding either street bikes or dirt bikes or quads. All my friends had similar passions.
Then we bought our house, and many of my friends began to distance themselves from me, either due to jealousy or disapproval of my chosen location (city, not country). I think the problem was that they had no idea such a neighborhood existed in such a city, and when gas prices started going crazy, they had to pay the price much more than I did.
That was a short-lived situation as the decision to have kids and the responsibility that came with it caused me to rearrange my whole way of life when my son was born helplessly disabled.
I tried to keep my old way of life while being a responsible father, but i was just going through the motions on both sides. Finally, after trying all the possibilities, I had to give up all the outdoors stuff. Trying to include my son made him miserable and having him cared for while we trired to have fun without him made me miserable.
Then we bought our house, and many of my friends began to distance themselves from me, either due to jealousy or disapproval of my chosen location (city, not country). I think the problem was that they had no idea such a neighborhood existed in such a city, and when gas prices started going crazy, they had to pay the price much more than I did.
That was a short-lived situation as the decision to have kids and the responsibility that came with it caused me to rearrange my whole way of life when my son was born helplessly disabled.
I tried to keep my old way of life while being a responsible father, but i was just going through the motions on both sides. Finally, after trying all the possibilities, I had to give up all the outdoors stuff. Trying to include my son made him miserable and having him cared for while we trired to have fun without him made me miserable.
dancingtongue · 80-89, M
Well stated -- both the original post and the various responses. I learned most from failures as we learn from mistakes. (What makes baseball such a great sport: fail only 7 times out of 10, and you're a 300 hitter and a unicorn these days.) I gained confidence from success and responsibility, as they tend to go hand in hand. Heartbreak teaches that you cannot be all things to all people; how to try to minimize it for all without sacrificing your values.
LaLumieri · 51-55, F
I wouldn't say I've outgrown versions of myself, but instead used those versions as strong roots to a better version of myself. The one I am today. Those versions are a vital part of my story. They got me here. And in each version are layers of culture, knowledge, joy, grief, success, failure,sickness, health, wealth, debt, experiences I remember purposely choosing to fill my pages... And the most important.... Mistakes. Because we learn from them. I can't say I've "outgrown" anything because there was truly a reason that version of me existed. .
Good question😎
Good question😎
ScreamingFox · 41-45, F
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
@ScreamingFox “Growth was needed to survive” — that line says a lot without saying everything. Some people grow because it’s trendy. Others grow because life demanded it. The second kind of growth creates depth.
I admire that you “do what you have to do and let the rest go.” That’s strength. That’s wisdom. That’s someone who understands control versus surrender.
Now I’m curious — when you feel yourself outgrowing a version of you, what’s usually the first sign?
I admire that you “do what you have to do and let the rest go.” That’s strength. That’s wisdom. That’s someone who understands control versus surrender.
Now I’m curious — when you feel yourself outgrowing a version of you, what’s usually the first sign?
ScreamingFox · 41-45, F
@Abovelimit I know it's time when I feel dishonest and uncomfortable. It's a very slow process sometimes and I try to be patient with my doubts so that when I do make changes it's secure. But I know I need the growth when I feel untrue to myself. I feel like I'm manipulating too much to maintain a hidden version of myself. It all feels terribly wrong and I'm constantly frustrated.
Control and surrender is the balancing act. What can I do/action + what just needs to fall away/surrender, if that's what you meant.
From there I make my moves. I let it hurt. Make a few mistakes. It's all learning. All progress.
Control and surrender is the balancing act. What can I do/action + what just needs to fall away/surrender, if that's what you meant.
From there I make my moves. I let it hurt. Make a few mistakes. It's all learning. All progress.
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
@ScreamingFox There’s something deeply honest about that.
When you start feeling “untrue” to yourself… that’s not weakness. That’s alignment trying to correct itself. Most people silence that feeling. You listen to it.
The fact that you’d rather let it hurt than live in something that feels dishonest? That’s integrity.
Control what you can. Surrender what you can’t. And trust that discomfort is often the doorway, not the warning sign.
You don’t grow recklessly — you grow consciously.
That’s rare.
When you start feeling “untrue” to yourself… that’s not weakness. That’s alignment trying to correct itself. Most people silence that feeling. You listen to it.
The fact that you’d rather let it hurt than live in something that feels dishonest? That’s integrity.
Control what you can. Surrender what you can’t. And trust that discomfort is often the doorway, not the warning sign.
You don’t grow recklessly — you grow consciously.
That’s rare.
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
@eyeswideshut Exactly—that moment when you realize the change was for you is such a powerful shift. 🌟
It’s funny how growth can feel intimidating from the outside, but when you’re actually ready, it almost flows effortlessly. That “why did I wait so long?” feeling usually means you’ve been quietly preparing for it all along.
It sounds like you really owned it—and that kind of self-responsibility is inspiring. What’s the biggest thing you noticed about yourself after making that change?
It’s funny how growth can feel intimidating from the outside, but when you’re actually ready, it almost flows effortlessly. That “why did I wait so long?” feeling usually means you’ve been quietly preparing for it all along.
It sounds like you really owned it—and that kind of self-responsibility is inspiring. What’s the biggest thing you noticed about yourself after making that change?
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
@eyeswideshut That doesn’t sound like someone who just “changed.” That sounds like someone who aligned. Good for you
DoubleRings · F
For me it was the death of my mother. It rocked me and I never really got over it. There were some other problems at the same time too which made it worse. I was goal focussed and ambitious before that. I was a better person before she died. Part of me died that day too. À big part.
Now I just spend a lot of time wondering why I am even here. I think my greatest days are behind me.
Now I just spend a lot of time wondering why I am even here. I think my greatest days are behind me.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@CrazyMusicLover That’s a good way of looking at it 👍🏻
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@DelightfulyDelectablyDelicious Maybe it's because I didn't put conscious effort into changing. It just happened and I couldn't do anything about it.
@CrazyMusicLover It’s interesting how that happens, life has a way of guiding us without us needing to force it. Almost like the universe knows what we need before we do 😀
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
Yes, I think everyone outgrows their earlier selves. I have definitely outgrown who I was in my 20's. I feel like that was a different person in a different life.
4thdimensiondream · 70-79, M
It took awhile but I finally grew up. I did some things in my 20’s-50’s I can’t believe. I am envious too of the former me, mostly athletics and my career energy, but mostly I look back in shock about who I was.
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@Abovelimit I don't private message
Says so on my profile
Says so on my profile
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
@pituitarypendulum With respect, I’ll leave it at that and wish you nothing but continued peace, strength, and joy on your journey. 🖤
@Abovelimit excellent!
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
@Jenny1234 Every ten years?
That’s not random. That’s evolution.
Some people drift through decades. Others transform with them.
Who are you becoming next?
That’s not random. That’s evolution.
Some people drift through decades. Others transform with them.
Who are you becoming next?
Jenny1234 · 56-60, F
@Abovelimit i’m not sure what I would call her, but she’s going to be really amazing
Abovelimit · 51-55, M
Kiesel · 56-60, M
On a journey of that right now actually
Somewhere between the old me and the new me, i lost the real me 😌
FreeorLonely · 51-55, F
Yes