awildsheepschase Best Comment
Acceptance. An unyielding want to be there for someone because you simply love them. Taking in all of their flaws and loving them for their flaws. Being there to guide them, maybe, because we all have insights one doesn't see inside themselves, yet you love them for who they are for you.
ilovehats · 31-35, FNew
Great post. Fortunately I have a family member who understands what I go through as I suffer from depression, and although they don't have any answers to remedy my situation, listening to me helps. Sometimes a listening ear is all that is needed, you don't need anyone saying, ."You should/You need to…" ...
@ilovehats I hate the you shoulds... Every time I feel that I reframe my thoughts. Usually into a question.
I'm glad you have someone to talk to. It makes a big difference at times.
I'm glad you have someone to talk to. It makes a big difference at times.
Casheyane · 31-35, F
Ahh. Actually, I had to learn that one.
I think for some of us, it's like default to offer advices because first thought that comes is that we wanna help the person who tells us about their problem. This happens especially if you're an independent person with people who depend on you and so you're used to being the problem solver. But yeah, I realized that some people want you to listen and that's all they want. To let out the feelings they hide. They don't need you solving it.
Some may even get offended for it.
But see, that is where good or bad communication comes in. The giving and receiving part of it. As much as we want to be understood, we need to put in the effort to let the other person understand us. It would also be unfair, I think, to suddenly have someone mad at us and expect they know why when they apparently are not and they might not even mean to offend or hurt us. Just something I learned in time. So I guess it takes a certain level of maturity to learn to read and adapt to situations. From both sides. Always from both sides.
So I learned to try working in a certain way. It is kind of hard at first since it's different from what I'm used to, but it's a work in progress and I am working on it because I think it is important. That whenever I sit with someone after being invited to talk, I need to ask them, "Are you happy if I just listen or can I offer you some advice?" or something along those lines.
I think for some of us, it's like default to offer advices because first thought that comes is that we wanna help the person who tells us about their problem. This happens especially if you're an independent person with people who depend on you and so you're used to being the problem solver. But yeah, I realized that some people want you to listen and that's all they want. To let out the feelings they hide. They don't need you solving it.
Some may even get offended for it.
But see, that is where good or bad communication comes in. The giving and receiving part of it. As much as we want to be understood, we need to put in the effort to let the other person understand us. It would also be unfair, I think, to suddenly have someone mad at us and expect they know why when they apparently are not and they might not even mean to offend or hurt us. Just something I learned in time. So I guess it takes a certain level of maturity to learn to read and adapt to situations. From both sides. Always from both sides.
So I learned to try working in a certain way. It is kind of hard at first since it's different from what I'm used to, but it's a work in progress and I am working on it because I think it is important. That whenever I sit with someone after being invited to talk, I need to ask them, "Are you happy if I just listen or can I offer you some advice?" or something along those lines.
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
I remember when I was younger a girlfriend told me "you don't have to fix it!". I truly could not understand at the time; I thought I was being supportive. I have since learned just to empathize unless asked for suggestions.
FreddieUK · 70-79, M
@JimboSaturn A good bit of wisdom and it takes a while for a man (I think it's a 'man thing') to get to the place of realising that some things are beyond his control and to stop pretending he can fix everything.
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
@FreddieUK Exactly I think it's a man thing to try to fix things. We do that to each other.
FreddieUK · 70-79, M
@JimboSaturn I think the best way to fix that is...oh, hang on. 🙄
FoxyQueen · 51-55, F
I always have to remember to ask questions over dispensing advice. Or asking up front if they just want to talk, want advice or need something else. I feel bad I forget to.
ineedadrink · 51-55, M
Exactly. I've been thanked for acknowledging that someone's situation sucked & just listening.
Think that's what I'm needing most
GohantheThird · M
Preach!
exchrist · 31-35
It exists in general it requires maturity and trust. education facilitates the other two.
@exchrist agreed
HumanEarth · F
They do exist, but they are extremely rare. Like a blue skin humans (real thing)
Casheyane · 31-35, F
@HumanEarth avatar? :)