What would you make of this?

I've been with my therapist several months now, and while she is very kind and nonjudgemental, unfortunately does not offer much in a session. Mostly nods and when I think she is going to say something more, she just agrees with what I said, and does not extend. I've been thinking of probably leaving therapy soon, even though I do like her, I just do need more.

But today, I am unsure whether to take what she said in a positive way, or what.
I talked of how I felt inept in a certain part of my life (I've mentioned it a few times before too). And that due to my narcissist mom's voice always in my subconscious, picking me apart, (every day of my life, for years upon years), That I wasn't sure I could 'do' this task I have feared. She looked at me kind of bluntly, Almost with a HINT of an attitude, (maybe for my benefit? not sure)... and said, 'What do YOU think? do you think YOU can do it?' And while I know what she means... I just felt like, I'm not sure really. Because frankly, I was saying, I have feared this issue in my life for YEARS, b/c I do NOT think I could do it. That is my dilemma. And then she did end it with, 'You are not any of what your mom said, and need to separate your 'Self', from her words.'

Of course the last part is positive, but it is NOT easy to do this. This was severe, EXTENSIVE trauma. I told her, I don't even HAVE a self, to separate... it was that bad. I was told not to even TALK or LAUGH in my home. It was nearly a cult. And I explained that to her, after she said the words above, and she made a semi, sad face and said, 'I know...' I felt like she was almost insinuating, I should have already known I can do what I feared.. or that it's easy to just separate from Years of debilitating, demonic abuse. What are your thoughts?

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Sapio · 51-55, M Best Comment

Given what you have been through, growing up how you described, I think her tone triggered you somewhat. I think what she was getting at was you have to be ready. Only you know when that is. But to tell you to separate yourself from your mom's words comes across as insensitive. As a therapist a) she should be assisting you with that via therapy and b) she should know, being a therapist, that is easier said than done.

You experienced years of abuse. In a way, you were conditioned by negativity. Breaking out of that takes years of reprogramming. If you want to call it that. It doesn't happen overnight or at the snap of a finger.

Your therapist in my opinion came across as if she's a tad fed up with you not moving forward. And she doesn't seem to take, certain things, important things into account. I'd consider going to another therapist. Because this one might be just in it for the paycheck.

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Sapio · 51-55, M

@Baybreeze you're welcome and I agree with what you stated above.

Sapio · 51-55, M

@Baybreeze thank you for BC

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@Sapio 🍁No problem. Thanks again.

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TheOneyouwerewarnedabout · 46-50, MVIP

would she do it for free?..
im awfully skeptical of therapy and therapists...

but thats just me..

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout Well, I am very grateful my insurance currently covers a weekly session. But instead of offering any reasonings WHY I might feel capable instead of inept, she just asked, "Do YOU think you can do it?' No, that is why I'm in therapy lol.

JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

Maybe you can get the help of a coach or mentor to assist or walk you through your fears, step by step, little by little, in a controlled, private, safe, encouraging, non-judgemental environment. And slowly perhaps you will gain confidence, by doing.

I am reminded now of when I learned I had diabetes, and would have to do daily injections of insulin. I was terrified. I knew what it felt like when nurses did it (I did not like it, but got used to it). But I was not sure I could do it. Yet I slowly got used to it.

And fortunately with Ozempic it is only once a week with the injections. And the needle is pretty tiny. It rarely hurts, but sometimes bleeds, yet clots fast since the hole is so small.

Now, I have no fear. And I have a good, slow, steady technique. It is more like a nuisance, a household chore. I just have to do it and get it over with. But I feel good after, since I don't have to do it for another week!

Justafantasy · M

She's asking you to make a decision based on you. Not on other people's words from the past. It should be your own voice in the back of your head saying whether you can or can't

easterniowegin · 51-55, M

I have always thought that if the therapist never gives you something tangible to work on, like exercises to help overcome your issues, then they are simply taking your money and keeping you on a hook.
There must be some mental exercises/affirmations/practives that you could be doing to help move you.

While I'm at it, why do you value the therapist's opinion in this specific case? Or are you just looking for someone to give some positive reenforcement for you?
Can another person really know how much you're capable of? And do you really think that you are so inept/lacking that you can't/shouldn't try whatever this is??

Henry Ford: "whether you think you can or think you can't...you're right."

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@easterniowegin I truly need positive affirmations from someone. Helping me SEE a new way, a new path. I told her, it isn't just anxiety, but severe trauma that I am there for. My sister believes most therapists are not fully trained in healing /treating trauma. Even her own therapist admitted she really didn't know actual methods of treating trauma, only just listening to her clients who have it. And yes, you can truly believe you are very inept when a narcissist belittles you every. single.day. of your life, since you were one years old. I mean, relentlessly. Excessively. and Sadistically. Yep, you can believe you can't do something others normally can, or that you are unworthy of most thigns too. When someone is so insidious they can make you believe you are Nothing. Thank God I am FINALLY seeing a light, that maybe, I'm not nothing. But to just swing into the opposite that I can do anything others can, does not happen quickly. It is overcoming year s and years of dark, toxic beliefs.

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