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I have this deep rooted sexual fear. How can I free myself from this ?

I've done a lot of things. But this is a persistent fear. I don't expect any man to actually being able to understand it. So I'm mostly asking women.
Any of you that's managed to break free from it ?
Or reduce it to a minimum ?
From my understanding, the moment I open myself up, it invites men.
So what I do is I keep myself lower, being less of my feminine, less of a female, so this isn't attracting them as much.
What am I supposed to be doing ? When I relax and simply be, I get guys attracted. And then the forces get into play and sooner or later they're trying to get closer but I don't want to. And then fear arises.

Maybe I'll need to wait another 20 years and I'll naturally be free from it ?
Can I be free from this ?
Miram · 31-35, F
When it comes to archetypes, the main way to overcome fear is to find a purpose/desire ,in that path, which is more powerful than the fear...for example if the fear is that of the innocent archetype, the greater purpose can be the desire in the joy found in love and sexual bonding. The joy you experience needs be intense and powerful and even extreme depending on the fear you're attempting to lessen.

We must always remember that fear comes from our minds. We create it because we have a desire to avoid pain. Yes, fear is also a desire. Two desires clashing is better than one dominating your mind.The type of pain might differ, but the core issue is the same for almost everyone when it comes to fear.

Your own fear seems to be very related to experiences and societal pressures that relate openness and femininity with unwanted attention and potential harm. That association isn't the truth; it's just a perspective formed from an experience. Our minds are incredibly powerful tools and lot of things we think effortlessly including negative ones become a matter of a split second. We can fortunately train our minds too to form any perspective that suits our own desired purpose. We can do this through active introspection and switching our thoughts patterns, or simply disarming them by inaction.

Must remember that only the present moment is real. The future isn’t here yet, so any negative thoughts about it are just imagination until it takes shape in the NOW.

We can control our actions now, the outcomes are often left to fate. To gain better control, we need to learn the laws of fate. Pain is both necessary and bearable by choice because it's exactly how we learn these rules, helping us make better steps in the present that lead to better consequences/fate. We have to stop attempting to avoid pain/fear it. It is the greatest mentor.
being · 36-40, F
@Miram
find a purpose/desire ,in that path, which is more powerful than the fear
and The present moment.. Yes.. yet I find that in the present moment I can find myself into situations.
Anyways. Thank you, it is helpful.
Yet I'm fighting with something really deep.
I wasn't aware most of my life. But watching thoroughly my life experiences and what I am attracting.. uh...
being · 36-40, F
@Miram thank you for this thoughtful reply 🖤
Miram · 31-35, F
@being 🤍 I love you and I trust that you will resolve this.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
I don't have much experience with it but maybe deeprooted fear is the reason why I avoided it all for so many years. Either that or when there was a chance I was completely turned off. The person didn't attract me that way at all.
I wasn't interested in normal sex throughout my entire 20s and preferred kink fantasies instead.

How to overcome it? The only thing that comes to my mind is meeting a man that would make you feel at home and safe. Maybe getting to know someone for a longer time and getting sexual gradually. At least that worked for me when I was a teen.
@CrazyMusicLover
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@Delightfulydelectablydelicious That's one massive pencil over there. 😳
@CrazyMusicLover It’s a big worthy note 🤭
deadteddy · 26-30, F
Dudes will be sexually attracted to you regardless your “ energy “ , they’re not that deep.
being · 36-40, F
@deadteddy I don't think it's a matter of depth really rather a hardwire. It's a man's hardware. Comes with a body.
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
Can you verbalize what it is you feel? Is it actually the sex, or is it commitment?
being · 36-40, F
@samueltyler2 yes I mean, it could help most probably if I got involved in therapy for a couple of years but I don't see myself doing it for the time being..
@being May be your aren't made for casual sex. You want it from a emotionally deep rooted connection with a man. It's same for me so I stay away.
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
@being be careful with amateur advice.
kodiac · 22-25, M
Were you abused as a kid? For me the fear comes from past experiences
being · 36-40, F
@kodiac I am not playing victim here. But I was raised strictly Christian which fucked up my concept regarding sexuality. I had an intensely suppressed sexuality which resulted in intensely expressed sexuality at one point in my life. I was putting myself in situations.
But again, I don't think this is a personal thing.
I believe as I wrote again that it's a deep archetypical fear.
I have discussed with real life female friends.
They all agree.
Bang5luts · M
There used to be this show on TLC (The Learning Channel). The subject matter of the show addressed people's fears. One lady had a very real phobia of kittens. She was seriously deathly afraid of kittens. Another lady had a serious fear of talking with people. Whenever she would talk to people she had these overwhelming thoughts and visions of slicing the person's throat. For most people these fears would seem unreasonable or unrealistic. But to these women the fear was very real. Maybe talking to a professional or someone whom specializes in phobias would be helpful. I myself have a couple phobias that might be viewed as unreasonable as well. Not that yours is. I truly hope this reply helps.
being · 36-40, F
@Bang5luts that's why I want a female opinion. Because this is not a weird kind of fear but a deep rooted archetypical kind of fear.
being · 36-40, F
@Bang5luts thanks for trying though

 
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