He also, okay, I have to admit was pretty intolerant weirdly, like transphobic and conservative, and a little subtly sexist

I don't know why I ignore these things and think it will be okay. But it's good to look at these things because if I'm with someone, I'd like our values to match

In fact, they must.

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SageWanderer · 70-79, M

I think it’s the rose colored glasses syndrome; one looks for the positives in a new relationships. It’s only when you step away one sees the negatives and red flags. Set your priorities, keep to your values and do not settle for less.

deadgerbil · 22-25

It's good you're seeing him for what he actually is

caccoon · 36-40

@deadgerbil why couldn't he just be what I thought he was 😤

Dolimyte · 41-45, M

Yeah, you gotta watch out for those red flags. It can be hard to notice. I think when we are with someone we want to give them the benefit of the doubt or the opportunity to improve. Nobody is perfect so it can be hard to know what to tolerate.

caccoon · 36-40

@Dolimyte yeah, definitely. I always wanna wait and see if people change, but I also think people change best outside of relationships. So hopefully he can make some progress on his own

WillaKissing · 56-60

You are exactly right and very much a lady of my heart and mind in this thinking. If Our interests and values do not match neither will me!

Doomflower · 36-40, M

I am guilty of the same blind spots in past relationships!!! You at least got out and didn't linger for years like I tend to do.

NerdyPotato · M

That realization is a big step forwards. 👍

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