Struggles & Identity

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Getting along with people or making new friends is such a bother in the adult world...

People are more untrusting than ever, traits like kindness and humbleness have become exploitable weaknesses, people stopped using their brains and started making up their minds about others based on emotions and buzzwords because they're so overloaded by information. A lot of young people are depressed and miserable, unable to find friends, lovers or simply too afraid to try. it's a very gray picture to paint but from my perspective the world has gotten a lot more selfish and cynical.

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smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

Not that hard to make new friend's. Me and my husband are friends with our new neighbors

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smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

@DrSunnyTheSkeptic I say my best friend is. I go to her before my husband.

DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@smileylovesgaming That's good, because it's not uncommon at some point for people or couples to eventually isolate themselves and not really trust anyone other than their spouse.

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

@DrSunnyTheSkeptic the neighbor wife she all was stops me if I am bike riding to just talk. She just got herself a bike so she can join me

Reject · 26-30, M

The most dramatic change to human life was the advent of the internet less than 30 years ago. We’re still adjusting.

Magenta · F

@Reject This. It almost made us dysfunctional from the natural human way.

zonavar68 · 56-60, M

A lot of us adults are depressed, miserable, unable to find friends, lovers or simply too afraid to try too. It's not just a youth issue.

Partly, we realise that we don't need to bother with any of that to have a rewarding fulfilling life. Partly, we have children and families that are split apart so there's a lot of jading and burning where you don't feel you want to try any more.

For me, I'm better off alone. My youngest daughter turns 5 in a week. her mum (my ex) is refusing to allow me to attend her 'official' 5th birthday party. So I am the best dad to her I can be on the days I get to see her (4 a fn at present). My adult kids do their own thing but we all stay in touch. Dating/romance/intimacy/relationships are completely off the table.

Plus I'm very anti-social/introverted and do not like being in places where there are people I don't know and I don't have a safe 'escape route' if I have an anxiety/panic attack. I 'socialise' 10x more at work than out of work and I never really socialise out of work with people from my work either. Just not the done thing.

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

I can't say for others but I'm pretty sure I must have missed some important phase of socialization in my formative years. I wasn't good at this as a kid, just like I'm not good at it as an adult. The thing is when you are a kid, it seems to work somehow on its own without you putting much effort into it anyway.

SUPERVlXEN · F

Emotions based on observations have always played a huge part in how we perceive other people.

DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@SUPERVlXEN Yet it's very uncivilized to react immediately instead of questioning and discussing, since a lot of things are not the way they seem at first.

SUPERVlXEN · F

@DrSunnyTheSkeptic
It's each to their own. I don't think it's something new. You might say it's maybe become more visible due to how the internet is used, but so has uncivilized behavior in general. Look at the bullies and trolls, how they thrive with both online as offline. There's no search for any understanding of each other, it's i'm right, and you're wrong and because you're wrong [in my own view] it's legit to treat you like garbage. But we always had bullies and trolls, also before the internet. All we can do, is look at ourselves and our own actions, and that of our surroundings, and then decide whether we want to enable others by support/staying silent, or if we want to make a difference and stand up to them. But it's not a pick and chose, or something we can based on whether we want the attention of someone of our interest. Our actions/inactions might be observed by others and have consequences for how they feel emotionally about us and how they perceive us.

DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@SUPERVlXEN I agree

Rolexeo · 26-30, M

Life was easier when you could just say exactly what's on your mind and it wouldn't be such a problem. It made it much easier to connect with people.

PaleandPolluted · 36-40, F

I agree with you. I don't mesh well with women, I prefer men but men often only want to date or sleep with me.

DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@PaleandPolluted The age old problem between men and women, the hardship of real friendship which is never possible as long as there is a side that doesn't have their romantic/sexual needs fulfilled.

Chickie · F

@PaleandPolluted I have this problem too..I work at a place where the men are massive perverts I feel like their balls should be cut off.

pedrohedgerow · 61-69, M

Truth...and nothing which happens in society is anything but by design.These are the minds leading us.

DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@pedrohedgerow A horrifying concept indeed, history has shown that manipulation of the masses is not impossible.

pedrohedgerow · 61-69, M

@DrSunnyTheSkeptic George Orwell was a visionary,or just well informed.

Iwillwait · M

I totally agree, ironically, I am the one who is untrusting of others. 😞

DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@Iwillwait Doubt that it is so for you without any reason. Your mind taught itself to be defensive.

Iwillwait · M

@DrSunnyTheSkeptic Well.. you're correct in that, I (like everyone) have a parade of hate all around them, negative news about everything, magazine covers spashing sensational trauma, and then there's real life experiences coupled by the fact, I just do not trust anyone.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I think it's the start of the behavioral sink.

Punxi · 26-30, F

What we find...see...recognize in others....is in us.

zonavar68 · 56-60, M

I reckon you get 15 seconds to get a person interested then it's all over red rover and time to move on. That's def the case with dating sites where a person firstly looks at your pics, then looks at the 666-rule and 10-percent-rule parameters.

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romell · 51-55, M

One has to accept people come in all shapes sizes color characteristics n you will be fine

SW-User

That's true and that's why it's hard to find real connections

assemblingaknob · 26-30, F

Strongly agree.

Carissimi · F

It’s true.

Rhode57 · 56-60, M

So true

checkoutanytime · M

[media=https://youtu.be/rUVEFkjqiEE]

To:

pancakeslam · 41-45, M

yeah they make a snap judgment on you and then if you try to discuss it they squirt lighter fluid all over the place and throw in the match. clearly not interested in discussion, no just fighting.

Chickie · F

It was hard for me to make friends as a kid because I was so distant now I'm so discouraged because I've been hearing about how harder it is as an adult and how dating is harder as an adult too

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DrSunnyTheSkeptic · 26-30, M

@ChemDawg I guess a person's outgoingness is a big factor in this case, but it does feel like people have become more introverted somewhat, or maybe it's just me.

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