Can this ever be okay?

I asked my sitter why she was not being honest with me. She keeps going quiet and seems to want to get out of the house as fast as she can to get away from me.
She said it always feels like I am putting her in her place or 'telling her off' when she is honest with me. I am angry and don't know what to say back to her or if this can even be resolved. Thoughts?

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SW-User

Just get a new sitter. If you feel she is dishonest and she feels you tell her off, I'm surprised she hasn't quit already.

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BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@SW-User She isn't being honest with me about what is wrong.

SW-User

@BluePlanet I'm standing by my original comment. Just get a new sitter. I don't know why this is so hard.

BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@SW-User As I said, my kid adores her and i don't want to be the bad guy. My ex has already caused her stress and she had to stop working for her so I don't want to do the same.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

She doesn't like you, and doesn't feel comfortable around you... She may well LIKE your kid and like looking after your kid.. it's you she doesn't like and/or is scared of you.. You getting angry and telling her off isn't going to help, you may not mean to be but you sound pretty intimidating and aggressive.. Few people like that behaviour!

It's almost impossible for her to tell you all this.. you are her employer, you pay her wages, it's very hard to be honest with the boss, it could piss him off and you'd lose your job..

As I say, she likes your kid, but would like to spend as little time with you as possible.. You ARE going to have to accept this.. or she is likely to quit.

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BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@Adaydreambeliever So you think her awkward behaviour around me is ok? I do not want more from her. But her behaviour is becoming awkward now.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@BluePlanet yes but as everyone else has said.. YOU are causing the behaviour!! You are, you and your actions, your demands, your overbearing, intimidating behaviour, which is making her uncomfortable..

For her own sake she has to get away from that situation.. it must be so stressful for her.

BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@Adaydreambeliever I don't agree. I need her to be friendly with me. She isn't so I have to find someone else.

english · 56-60, M

well you have nt handled well so far have you, so how true is her statement you did nt exactly deny it,are yhou always on her case ,probably so which would give her a reason to go quiet ,she probably thinking your never satisfied ,no poit in talking to you ,have nt said why you are mad ,to accuse someone of not be honest without proof ,or on a hunch is just out of order ,your be lucky if she does nt quit .😕

BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@english Over the past few months I have had to ask why she can't look me in the eye and why she is quick to leave. It mainly comes down to feeling undervalued on her side is the answer I always get. I am tired of it.I have always asked her to be honest with me and she is not being that way now.

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BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@SW-User Honesty as in she is not telling me what she is feeling in order to make her behave like that.

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BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@SW-User I do not 'scare the hell out of her.'
I think I am in my right mind to feel frustrated that it has taken her this long to actually tell me

bijouxbroussard · F

Why are you angry ? It sounds like it took a lot for her to tell you this. If you react angrily to her, it will confirm her feelings that it’s unsafe to tell you her honest perceptions. Because they are how she perceives your interactions, even if that’s not your intent at all.

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BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@bijouxbroussard I don't see this as my fault. She is being passive aggressive. I guess I have no other option.

bijouxbroussard · F

@BluePlanet At this point fault is moot. The way she communicates is not compatible with your comfort level.

BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@bijouxbroussard Exactly.

xixgun · M

Point out that you are both in a professional relationship. You are employer and she is employee. If she's unhappy with the job, she can leave and you hire someone else.

Not rocket surgery

BluePlanet · 41-45, M

@xixgun I tried talking to her and she said I was putting the blame onto her.
I wouldn't call it a professional relationship. I used to consider her family,not so much now.

xixgun · M

@BluePlanet That's the problem. Even if you hire your mom, you enter into a boss and employee relationship. You say how things are and if they fail to do so they get fired.

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