Can this ever be okay?

I asked my sitter why she was not being honest with me. She keeps going quiet and seems to want to get out of the house as fast as she can to get away from me.
She said it always feels like I am putting her in her place or 'telling her off' when she is honest with me. I am angry and don't know what to say back to her or if this can even be resolved. Thoughts?

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Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

She doesn't like you, and doesn't feel comfortable around you... She may well LIKE your kid and like looking after your kid.. it's you she doesn't like and/or is scared of you.. You getting angry and telling her off isn't going to help, you may not mean to be but you sound pretty intimidating and aggressive.. Few people like that behaviour!

It's almost impossible for her to tell you all this.. you are her employer, you pay her wages, it's very hard to be honest with the boss, it could piss him off and you'd lose your job..

As I say, she likes your kid, but would like to spend as little time with you as possible.. You ARE going to have to accept this.. or she is likely to quit.

BluePlanet · 36-40, M

@Adaydreambeliever I just don't see how I am meant to respond to her? I do think she is being unfair on me. It's obvious I care as I wouldn't ask her what's wrong if I didn't.I am not an aggressive person so it's sad it comes across like that

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@BluePlanet the point here is.. DON'T respond to her.. she doesn't want you to.. she wants to do her job and just get away from you as fast as possible.. let her do that, stop giving her a hard time, you are just making it worse.. she can't tell you what's wrong because YOU are the problem, she dislikes you, doesn't want to be near you.. you should respect her wishes.. she is paid to look after your child not to be friends with you..

Think.. she cannot say she finds you aggressive and irritating, she hates being near you, wants to get away.. .if she did say that what would happen? She'd lose her job.. just leave her alone stop pestering her!

BluePlanet · 36-40, M

@Adaydreambeliever Problem is it will impact on my son. If he sees her not making eye contact with me and rushing out the door. She is polite enough with me but he will see she has an issue with me. I guess I just need to find someone new. That's what it comes down to even if it really pisses her off.
She has been really dramatic saying she is devastated by this. I give up. I cannot win.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@BluePlanet yes, please do find someone new, she obviously cares about your kid but you are being a pest, and being intimidating, she doesn't want or need that.. she would be better off working elsewhere..

BluePlanet · 36-40, M

@Adaydreambeliever My son and I deserve better.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@BluePlanet she deserves better.. and quite honestly, you should take a good long hard look at your behaviour and your part in this.. at the best ANY sitter will be uncomfortable hanging around once you are home, they will want to go home...that's only natural.. but if that someone is an overbearing person who seems angry all the time, demanding he be appreciated, then you are going to struggle to keep any sitter.

No need to answer me.. but I would question your motives.. are you perhaps trying to get this woman to like you for YOUR OWN purposes, you want her to be friendly.. you want more.. that would be disrespectful and maybe that's what's making her uncomfortable...

BluePlanet · 36-40, M

@Adaydreambeliever So you think her awkward behaviour around me is ok? I do not want more from her. But her behaviour is becoming awkward now.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@BluePlanet yes but as everyone else has said.. YOU are causing the behaviour!! You are, you and your actions, your demands, your overbearing, intimidating behaviour, which is making her uncomfortable..

For her own sake she has to get away from that situation.. it must be so stressful for her.

BluePlanet · 36-40, M

@Adaydreambeliever I don't agree. I need her to be friendly with me. She isn't so I have to find someone else.