I don't belong

I am the person who constantly argues how being trans and being queer is normal, how it doesn't make us a different species...that we are normal human beings with difference preferences and choices than what society accepts as normal. But I am a hypocrite because at least twice a day I look in the mirror and I wish that I didn't feel this way, that I could be a normal 16 year old girl or boy who could just worry about exams, crushes, college and could go and chill out with their friends. But instead I am too scared to accept myself. This whole thing about 'being unapologetically myself' seems like a scam because how do you be yourself when you can't even look at yourself in the mirror without breaking down?

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BarbossasHusband · 36-40, M

Being in the same situation, I wish I could say something like "just do it. If they don't accept you it's their loss", but it's scary. I know.
I only recently came out to my best friend, one of my sisters (who I knew would be supportive) and online friends. I feel like that's a good start because it makes me more confident the more people support me.
When you're ready, I suggest you start that way too.
However, first thing you need to do is accept yourself. There's nothing wrong wirh you, it's the world that's at fault for being uneducated and small minded.

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

It gets better. Maybe not easier; not overall. But that's only because some things you worry about simply won't matter at all in a few years, but it'll be replaced - bills or exams in college, or grad school application, or a big project at work, or whatever.

Coming out is incredibly difficult. Your mind plays games with you, and tells you that your best friend or your parents or (in my case) your spouse and/or kids are going to be revolted and want nothing at all to do with you. You'll win that battle when you're ready to - don't let anybody push you into it until then. The more you [i]have [/i]the battle, the easier it gets. And... the more you have the battle, the more you honor your true self.

Just hang in there! One day at a time is all you need to worry about. If you ever feel like you need somebody to talk with - especially if your parents aren't supportive! - please, reach out to me; I'll be happy to talk, or just listen; whichever you want.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

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WannaBeACloud · 18-21, T

@LookingForIt987 I'm really happy for you...Again, thank you and I wish what you said about my parents turns out to be true. I feel like I am fighting two battles right now, one with myself and one with others...I love to study and I am so excited about college, but sometimes it seems pointless...I feel like a joker sometimes, I put on a smile to make my parents and everyone around me happy, and I do stupid things to make them laugh and it's not fake, but sometimes it's so exhausting to play this role. How do your love yourself when you know that once you will love yourself, the people who love you now will leave?

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

@WannaBeACloud Time will give you perspective and (probably) some answers.

I'll just leave you with this thought that occurred to me. Based on what you've said here, you've done more growing in your relatively short time on this big blue rock than people I know who are three and even four times your age.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@WannaBeACloud If they leave you'll find new people who love you just the way you are. ❤️

spjennifer · 56-60, T

I am a lot older than you and coming out in the 1970's was not something most of us did, we hid ourselves in the closet, to our parents, friends, family and coworkers. You are still young and have lots of time to decide who you want to be and who you want to become. I spent 35 years in the military and couldn't come out there either and both of my parents passed away without ever knowing the real me. I do have some regrets but times are slowly changing in many countries, even in India, so give yourself some time, be patient until you are comfortable with yourself, you'll know when the time is right, if ever. You're not a "hypocrite", you're just a normal person with fears and desires like everyone else so be kinder to yourself, you will eventually become who you were meant to become. I'd be lying if I said it gets easier as so many are against those of us who are a little bit different, in the mean time, just be yourself and don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong or bad because of who you are... 🙂

WannaBeACloud · 18-21, T

@spjennifer Thank you, you're really strong and that gives me strength...I can't begin to understand what it must have been like so long back, I'm sorry for what you had to go through...at least right now I have a platform to express myself, and I am very grateful for that. I wish that my parents get to know this part of me because I love them, and I want them to see the real me. And hopefully with time, they will:⁠-⁠)

spjennifer · 56-60, T

@WannaBeACloud Good for you! My parents were products of their generation as we are of ours, they never understood anything that wasn't like them, they weren't evil, just not progressive enough to understand anyone who wasn't like them and I accepted that so it wasn't all on them, some of it was fear of rejection on my part and some of it was not being brave enough to live my life how I wanted to live it. In the more progressive Western Countries there are now Anti-Discrimination laws that protect us and same-sex marriages are becoming more acceptable and even Law in many Countries so there has been progress, don't give up on yourself!

MellyMel22 · F

[i][c=BF0080]Try to find who you are or who you want to be and accept it, don’t worry about what other people think. Try to be what makes you happy. If you’re not hurting anyone, it’s none of their business. When you look in that mirror, keep telling yourself what you tell others- you deserve that same respect ❤️ [/c][/i]

spjennifer · 56-60, T

@MellyMel22 You are SO right, I spent the entirety of my adult life worried about what others would think of me, not that it made me miserable as I accepted who and what I was even if others never could. Sound advice and thank you! 🙂

sexyjigsaw

[quote]But instead I am too scared to accept myself [/quote]
Why?

And I'm not asking in an antagonistic or criticizing way

There has to be a reason. What it is that unsettles you if you did this? Have you ever thought about it before? If not, then don't feel pressured to jump on an answer. Just think and solve it and be honest and true

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