I don't belong

I am the person who constantly argues how being trans and being queer is normal, how it doesn't make us a different species...that we are normal human beings with difference preferences and choices than what society accepts as normal. But I am a hypocrite because at least twice a day I look in the mirror and I wish that I didn't feel this way, that I could be a normal 16 year old girl or boy who could just worry about exams, crushes, college and could go and chill out with their friends. But instead I am too scared to accept myself. This whole thing about 'being unapologetically myself' seems like a scam because how do you be yourself when you can't even look at yourself in the mirror without breaking down?

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

spjennifer · 56-60, T

I am a lot older than you and coming out in the 1970's was not something most of us did, we hid ourselves in the closet, to our parents, friends, family and coworkers. You are still young and have lots of time to decide who you want to be and who you want to become. I spent 35 years in the military and couldn't come out there either and both of my parents passed away without ever knowing the real me. I do have some regrets but times are slowly changing in many countries, even in India, so give yourself some time, be patient until you are comfortable with yourself, you'll know when the time is right, if ever. You're not a "hypocrite", you're just a normal person with fears and desires like everyone else so be kinder to yourself, you will eventually become who you were meant to become. I'd be lying if I said it gets easier as so many are against those of us who are a little bit different, in the mean time, just be yourself and don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong or bad because of who you are... 🙂

WannaBeACloud · 18-21, T

@spjennifer Thank you, you're really strong and that gives me strength...I can't begin to understand what it must have been like so long back, I'm sorry for what you had to go through...at least right now I have a platform to express myself, and I am very grateful for that. I wish that my parents get to know this part of me because I love them, and I want them to see the real me. And hopefully with time, they will:⁠-⁠)

spjennifer · 56-60, T

@WannaBeACloud Good for you! My parents were products of their generation as we are of ours, they never understood anything that wasn't like them, they weren't evil, just not progressive enough to understand anyone who wasn't like them and I accepted that so it wasn't all on them, some of it was fear of rejection on my part and some of it was not being brave enough to live my life how I wanted to live it. In the more progressive Western Countries there are now Anti-Discrimination laws that protect us and same-sex marriages are becoming more acceptable and even Law in many Countries so there has been progress, don't give up on yourself!