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“Dad Joke” Time! 😂😂😂

I love Dad Jokes. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Drop your favorite Dad Jokes, please. 😌❤️

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F

Dad : I WAS KIDNAPPED BY A GANG OF MIMES, THEY DID UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO ME

Straylight · 31-35, F

A wife tells her husband to go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. And if they have eggs, get a dozen.
The husband comes home with twelve loaves of bread and says “They had eggs.”

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

@Straylight perfect hahaha

Ontheroad · M

@Straylight Not his fault, he wasn't given clear instructions😁

Straylight · 31-35, F

A zen Buddhist walks up to a bagel shop and says “Make me one with everything.”

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

@Straylight 🧘🏻‍♀️

Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M

@Straylight OMG I love this one. Gonna field test it today.

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It's a shame they'll never meet.

ididntknow · 51-55, M

A man went to the doctors,
Asked for some sleeping tablets, for his wife,
What’s seems to be the problem asks the doctor,

She keeps waking up,

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

Sojournersoul · M

What does Christmas and a day at the office have in common?

You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

@Sojournersoul Heyyyyyy. I’m the fat guy in the suit in both circumstances! 😂

Sojournersoul · M

@QueenOfTheNerds Ummmm. You are no fat guy ever. 🤗

OldBrit · 61-69, M

Just bought a trampoline for a bed.

My wife hit the roof..

RenFur · 70-79, M

A man comes into a restaurant. He sits down at the table and he says, "Waiter, bring me a cup of coffee without cream". Five minutes later, the waiter comes back and says "I'm sorry, sir. We have no cream. Can it be without milk?"

If this sounds familiar then you've seen Ninotchka.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

I bought my mom some new beads for her abacus.

It’s the little things that count.

thepreposterouspanda · 36-40, M

This is one my dad likes to tell:

Q: What's the difference between a duck?

A: Nothing, because a football doesn't have feathers

He then proceeds to laugh hysterically until whoever he told the joke to laughs along

(He knows the joke doesn't make sense, he's just a gremlin.)

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

@thepreposterouspanda what the actual fuck 🤣

thepreposterouspanda · 36-40, M

@WaryWitchWandering He's fucking deranged. 😂

This is another one he likes to tell, or a rough approximation of it:

"Two ducks are sitting in a pond, and they're dirty, just covered in grime. One duck turns to the other one and says, 'Hey, can you pass me the soap?' The other duck replies, "What do you think I am, a radio?"

Again, similar laughter, etc. He might even slowly repeat, "What do you think I am,[i] a radio[/i]?" while looking the poor soul in the eyes. 😂

ididntknow · 51-55, M

Did you hear about the man called Keth

He had an i missing

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

I don't tell Dad Jokes . . . . but when I do he laughs:)

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

If two vegans get into a fight is it still called a beef ?

What did the Janitor say when he jumped out the cupboard ?....."SUPPLIES !"

how does the moon cut his hair ?
Eclipse it !!

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

[media=https://youtu.be/bHsBPHsg6j0]

“What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? “

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter 😂🥲

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

@WaryWitchWandering I LOVE these videos! Their laughs are sometimes better than the jokes!

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

@QueenOfTheNerds SAME! Their laughing is contagious.

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

@WaryWitchWandering YES!! 😂

Cuda6868 · 51-55, M

What’s similar between a Harley and a Woman? After you ride them hard, they sit and drip for 10 minutes.

RenFur · 70-79, M

@Cuda6868 What kinda dad is u??

😂

Cuda6868 · 51-55, M

@RenFur A crude one apparently. 🤣

Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M

@Degbeme

Synyster · 51-55, M

.Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.🙄

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

What do you call a reluctant potato?

A hesitater. 😌

ididntknow · 51-55, M

What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kanageroot

A kangaroo is a Australian animal and a kanageroot is a Scottish man stuck down a hole shouting I kanageroot

ididntknow · 51-55, M

There was was a man that had one leg shorter than the other,

His nickname was

Snipers nightmare

ididntknow · 51-55, M

Did you hear about the man with one hand bigger than the other,

His nickname was clock

JestAJester · 31-35, M

When does a joke become a dad joke? when it becomes apparent

ididntknow · 51-55, M

What do you call a French man with a car on his head

JACK

RenFur · 70-79, M

Teacher asks the grade school class "Does anyone know where the Andes are?". There's no answer immediately until one kid in the back shyly answers "next door to the Amoses?"

BigGuy2 · 26-30, M

🙄🙄🙄

This message was deleted by the author of the main post.

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

@cecile I don’t find this funny… maybe I’m just lame, but ehhhhh

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

@WaryWitchWandering I agree. @cecile I’m deleting your joke because it’s too far over the line.

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