This Canadian walks into an American bar "I just heard the funniest American joke ever!" He's got tears coming out of his eyes from laughing so hard. The bartender looks at him"I'm American, see the doorman?" He's 250 and built like a brick shithouse"he's American, see the bouncer?" Who makes the doorman look tiny "he's American, now do you still want to tell that joke?" The Canadian stops laughing "Na, I don't want to have to explain it 3 times"

These two guys often hang out at the beach. One of them gets a lot of attention from the ladies but the other one just doesn't. So he asks his friend, "What can I do to have better luck with the women?" The other guy says, "Well, maybe stick a potato down your swim trunks next time we go. That is what I do."
So he tries it but he keep getting strange stares and people snickering when he walks by. He goes to ask his friend why this is happening and his friend says, "Oh no, You are suppose to put it down the Front of your trunks!"

Q. Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics?
A. Because every Mexican who can run, jump or swim is in the US.

Why havent there been female astronauts sent to thr moon? Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.

What do you call a basement full of liberals? A whine cellar

When chuck norris visits a feminist rally he comes back with a sandwhich and ironed shirt

Did you know a jewish rabbi doesnt get paid a salary? He gets paid in tips

What do you call an IT teacher who touches kids? A PDF file

How does a deaf gynecologist understand his patient? He reads lips

What’s good about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.

What’s better than winning the gold medal at the paralympics?
Walking.

What’s good about having AIDS?
You don’t have to wear a condom anymore.

I asked my phone, "OK Google, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

My grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology" so I unplugged his life support.

Why can't Micheal Jackson go within 1/2 a mile of a school? Because he is dead.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

I was going to make a joke about covid-19 but it seems people who caught it have no taste.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

... bend over 😏 🐺 🐾 woof

How do you fit four fags on a bar stool? Turn it upside down.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A perfect 10 but also imaginary

Know why Joe exotic won't sing Christmas songs?

Hates Caroles

Why do blacks win all the sprint races ?
They hear a gun go off and they're away 😂🤣

Why do black people hate aspirin?

Because...
it's white...
it works...
and you have to pick cotton to get it.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.