I Am a Dreamer and a Thinker

I think some of it is about introversion vs. extroversion, at least for me. Introverts in general are the ones who crave the deeper conversation. I've done enough reading on it to know that that's a common need we have. But our introversion also makes it harder for us to go out and talk to people to find others who feel the same!

But certainly, if you've lived in the extremes of emotion, I can understand feeling hungry for someone who can relate. Heck, sometimes one needs help just to keep one's head above water! My journey into the extremes of emotion has involved entering into grief. Most people associate that with death of someone you were close to, but really, grief is a response to loss, and death is just a really common type of loss, because we're all going to experience the death of someone we're close to at some point or another. My grief was about a non-death loss - specifically the fact that I'm never going to find a mate of an appropriate age who understands the need to be working on himself in a way that leads to being able to live life together. It was about having to let that longing die. I'm not sure how similar that is to what you experienced, but it definitely involved descending to the depths of sadness for a time!

The neuroscience that I tend to read is boiled down for the layperson. There's still some technical language in it, but not so much that you can't follow it.

I think there's a need for some realistic thinking about relationships. There's some stuff about it in the neuroscience books I've read that is really fascinating. Early on in any relationship, there's a stage where we're really energized and engaged because the relationship is new. Dopamine is really high during that stage. Then there comes a stage after that where we're past the 'shiny new relationship' stage where the dopamine levels decrease to normal that can sometimes feel like a letdown. We start to see the flaws in the person we're with more clearly. We need to not make the mistake of thinking that coming to this stage means that there's necessarily something wrong with the relationship. It takes work, intention, and effort to, as the saying goes, 'keep the home fires burning' and we're just not going to stay in that 'high' place for forever. If we understand that's normal, it doesn't have to rock our world.

Yes absolutely! As an introvert myself I know this challenge all too well. It takes more to open us up and discuss things without someone to ask the right questions and show a greater interest in what makes us tick, which of course like you mentioned normally comes from other introverts.

Grief definitely has a powerful and crippling effect on us. I have done a bit of research into it before and learnt about it by other means. Of course, one of the stages of grief can be depression too and that can have a profound effect on a person during that process. I've had non-death loss myself, mostly to do with either losing my mind or losing a relationship, which had a huge impact on me, as rejection and abandonment use to be major triggers for my mania. I've certainly felt grief over having to come to terms with never finding a suitable partner too. I've resigned myself to being alone from here on out.

I'd say that describes the inner workings of infatuation fairly accurately. We do have 100+ chemicals in our brain though and there's so much that comes into play when we consider relationships, but you're right; there is a need for some realistic thinking. I think when you've been in my position where you feel the extreme heights of ecstasy and euphoria that comes with mania, then having that strong connection of infatuation with someone you can come to love becomes one of the only ways you can find yourself be truly happy again, which really isn't healthy. However I think what the animation was touching on more was about someone who had lost any spark of what it means to feel alive, making it so each encounter with another person seemed as mundane as the next, leaving love as the only option to feel something again, which I suppose relates to what happened to me. It's dangerous because then your source of happiness is dependent on someone else and gives too much power over to that person, leaving you open to manipulation. Saying all that, I believe we must first have to find our own peace, contentment and joy before we can consider a healthy romantic relationship with someone.

You have a lot of wisdom. :)

I think there's a LOT to be said for finding one's own peace, contentment, and joy before entering into a relationship. From what I've been able to glean, relationships have a way of amplifying our fears and insecurities. I think there's a challenge in knowing how much we can reasonably expect another person to meet us in those things. I'm definitely NOT turned off by the idea of having a conversation with another person about their insecurities and some things I might be doing that are triggering them and where reasonable, doing things to help them not feel insecure, but I can also identify behaviors I would experience as 'strangling' or 'controlling' and that would leave me feeling like, 'I feel for your insecurity, but I also feel like I'm strangling under the weight of your need.' I think it's that same place you mentioned where all of your happiness starts to become dependent on what another person does. And in my mind THAT is VERY unhealthy place for either party to be.

I was raised with the idea that I should take my insecurities to God. I see a lot of sense in this, because it gives me a place to take those things without strangling the people in my life. In Scripture, the Lord says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you," and as long as *I* don't leave Him, I find that that's true. I think, too, my relationship with God is why I can be content being alone.

I don't know the character you refer to, but I can relate to much of this post. I have called it existential crisis, contemplating the point of existence, why each day can seem to blur into the next. I have an overactive dream world and have to actively practice mindfulness to bring myself back into the present moment. I think as humans we need several unique connections, not just one amazing one. I am still searching for answers, a work in progress myself.

Well said Rootstoblossom, I can very much agree with your thoughts on it there. The main character was questioning a number of things about his life, questioning who others really were and the status quo, questioning his own sanity, so existential crisis is a fine way of putting it. I think we're lucky if we can find several unique connections, but it's certainly healthier if we are able to find them. That being said, I believe if we've worked enough on ourselves internally then we can thrive independently, only needing limited human connection. There are many spiritual practitioners out there that find all they need in isolation.

To some extent, I think I understand what you're saying, but not entirely. I definitely relate to finding the majority of conversation with others to be totally 'blah'. I have difficulty engaging in light chit-chat because I'm hungry to talk about something deeper. I think the light chit-chat might have its place and be part of the whole picture, but for me, I can't appreciate it or go through the motions of engaging with it for the sake of those who appreciate it when I'm not having enough of the deeper, more connected conversations that I really crave. Do you relate to that at all?

I do relate to that, because I can only tolerate so much chit-chat myself. Eventually I'll just switch off if there isn't anything substantial to a conversation because what's there to gain from such a thing? People end up pointing out the superficial and the glaringly obvious all too often and it eventually takes its toll. I think it shows what kind of experiences people have been through and what they have grasped from those experiences. Some of us that have experienced the extremes of emotion and that of different mental states need more to nourish what has been opened up to us.

You pointed out well the problem it has on the person being depended on. It's almost like the individual wanting that need for happiness from the other is being a parasite and as you pointed out it grips the other person and drains the life out of them. It most likely leaves a person feeling used.

I'm not a religious person myself but I know the comfort having that faith can bring to others. We all need something to draw upon at some point in our lives.