I Am a Dreamer and a Thinker

I've not long finished watching the animation 'Anomalisa' and in some ways I can relate to the central character Michael Stone. I can understand that sense of finding each person the same to talk to (albeit not literally) like there's no distinguishing characteristics to ignite something passionate inside oneself, to feel engaged with the person and why it feels so special to find someone who stands out alone amongst the vast majority, hoping that the connection you form together will last.

I'm not sure if this is a symptom of being chronically depressed or whether it's more a case of being lost to the banality of life in general. Maybe it's the sum of gaining and losing so much on an emotional level over the course of ones life. Either way, for me it can lend itself to a preference towards dreaming and imagining scenarios where I do feel alive, exhilarated with what is going on around me and in the company I keep. Away from that dream world, in order to achieve anything like it in reality I think it has to start on an internal level first; it can't simply be a case of throwing yourself into whatever activity you think will provoke it on an external level. Ultimately it may come back down to finding that one person you can have that unique connection with in order to knock something loose in order to find a way to progress and hopefully change or perhaps a mind more capable than our own can offer enough of themselves to help in a similar way.

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Kerennya · 51-55, F

I think some of it is about introversion vs. extroversion, at least for me. Introverts in general are the ones who crave the deeper conversation. I've done enough reading on it to know that that's a common need we have. But our introversion also makes it harder for us to go out and talk to people to find others who feel the same!

But certainly, if you've lived in the extremes of emotion, I can understand feeling hungry for someone who can relate. Heck, sometimes one needs help just to keep one's head above water! My journey into the extremes of emotion has involved entering into grief. Most people associate that with death of someone you were close to, but really, grief is a response to loss, and death is just a really common type of loss, because we're all going to experience the death of someone we're close to at some point or another. My grief was about a non-death loss - specifically the fact that I'm never going to find a mate of an appropriate age who understands the need to be working on himself in a way that leads to being able to live life together. It was about having to let that longing die. I'm not sure how similar that is to what you experienced, but it definitely involved descending to the depths of sadness for a time!

The neuroscience that I tend to read is boiled down for the layperson. There's still some technical language in it, but not so much that you can't follow it.

I think there's a need for some realistic thinking about relationships. There's some stuff about it in the neuroscience books I've read that is really fascinating. Early on in any relationship, there's a stage where we're really energized and engaged because the relationship is new. Dopamine is really high during that stage. Then there comes a stage after that where we're past the 'shiny new relationship' stage where the dopamine levels decrease to normal that can sometimes feel like a letdown. We start to see the flaws in the person we're with more clearly. We need to not make the mistake of thinking that coming to this stage means that there's necessarily something wrong with the relationship. It takes work, intention, and effort to, as the saying goes, 'keep the home fires burning' and we're just not going to stay in that 'high' place for forever. If we understand that's normal, it doesn't have to rock our world.