I Am a Dreamer and a Thinker

I've not long finished watching the animation 'Anomalisa' and in some ways I can relate to the central character Michael Stone. I can understand that sense of finding each person the same to talk to (albeit not literally) like there's no distinguishing characteristics to ignite something passionate inside oneself, to feel engaged with the person and why it feels so special to find someone who stands out alone amongst the vast majority, hoping that the connection you form together will last.

I'm not sure if this is a symptom of being chronically depressed or whether it's more a case of being lost to the banality of life in general. Maybe it's the sum of gaining and losing so much on an emotional level over the course of ones life. Either way, for me it can lend itself to a preference towards dreaming and imagining scenarios where I do feel alive, exhilarated with what is going on around me and in the company I keep. Away from that dream world, in order to achieve anything like it in reality I think it has to start on an internal level first; it can't simply be a case of throwing yourself into whatever activity you think will provoke it on an external level. Ultimately it may come back down to finding that one person you can have that unique connection with in order to knock something loose in order to find a way to progress and hopefully change or perhaps a mind more capable than our own can offer enough of themselves to help in a similar way.

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Kerennya · 51-55, F

You have a lot of wisdom. :)

I think there's a LOT to be said for finding one's own peace, contentment, and joy before entering into a relationship. From what I've been able to glean, relationships have a way of amplifying our fears and insecurities. I think there's a challenge in knowing how much we can reasonably expect another person to meet us in those things. I'm definitely NOT turned off by the idea of having a conversation with another person about their insecurities and some things I might be doing that are triggering them and where reasonable, doing things to help them not feel insecure, but I can also identify behaviors I would experience as 'strangling' or 'controlling' and that would leave me feeling like, 'I feel for your insecurity, but I also feel like I'm strangling under the weight of your need.' I think it's that same place you mentioned where all of your happiness starts to become dependent on what another person does. And in my mind THAT is VERY unhealthy place for either party to be.

I was raised with the idea that I should take my insecurities to God. I see a lot of sense in this, because it gives me a place to take those things without strangling the people in my life. In Scripture, the Lord says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you," and as long as *I* don't leave Him, I find that that's true. I think, too, my relationship with God is why I can be content being alone.