I Am a Dreamer and a Thinker

I've not long finished watching the animation 'Anomalisa' and in some ways I can relate to the central character Michael Stone. I can understand that sense of finding each person the same to talk to (albeit not literally) like there's no distinguishing characteristics to ignite something passionate inside oneself, to feel engaged with the person and why it feels so special to find someone who stands out alone amongst the vast majority, hoping that the connection you form together will last.

I'm not sure if this is a symptom of being chronically depressed or whether it's more a case of being lost to the banality of life in general. Maybe it's the sum of gaining and losing so much on an emotional level over the course of ones life. Either way, for me it can lend itself to a preference towards dreaming and imagining scenarios where I do feel alive, exhilarated with what is going on around me and in the company I keep. Away from that dream world, in order to achieve anything like it in reality I think it has to start on an internal level first; it can't simply be a case of throwing yourself into whatever activity you think will provoke it on an external level. Ultimately it may come back down to finding that one person you can have that unique connection with in order to knock something loose in order to find a way to progress and hopefully change or perhaps a mind more capable than our own can offer enough of themselves to help in a similar way.

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SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M

Yes absolutely! As an introvert myself I know this challenge all too well. It takes more to open us up and discuss things without someone to ask the right questions and show a greater interest in what makes us tick, which of course like you mentioned normally comes from other introverts.

Grief definitely has a powerful and crippling effect on us. I have done a bit of research into it before and learnt about it by other means. Of course, one of the stages of grief can be depression too and that can have a profound effect on a person during that process. I've had non-death loss myself, mostly to do with either losing my mind or losing a relationship, which had a huge impact on me, as rejection and abandonment use to be major triggers for my mania. I've certainly felt grief over having to come to terms with never finding a suitable partner too. I've resigned myself to being alone from here on out.

I'd say that describes the inner workings of infatuation fairly accurately. We do have 100+ chemicals in our brain though and there's so much that comes into play when we consider relationships, but you're right; there is a need for some realistic thinking. I think when you've been in my position where you feel the extreme heights of ecstasy and euphoria that comes with mania, then having that strong connection of infatuation with someone you can come to love becomes one of the only ways you can find yourself be truly happy again, which really isn't healthy. However I think what the animation was touching on more was about someone who had lost any spark of what it means to feel alive, making it so each encounter with another person seemed as mundane as the next, leaving love as the only option to feel something again, which I suppose relates to what happened to me. It's dangerous because then your source of happiness is dependent on someone else and gives too much power over to that person, leaving you open to manipulation. Saying all that, I believe we must first have to find our own peace, contentment and joy before we can consider a healthy romantic relationship with someone.