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Humor me, and take this seriously. Pretend SW is a dating app and you are fighting for your life to be seen. What would your profile say? Describe

yourself/situation/soul in grand detail. And please don't just complain that SW is the last place you would go to find a date
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This looks fun! I've never used a dating site or anything for the simple reason that I can't try to sell anyone on this train wreck. Imma have to think about this one for a bit 🤔