What does this mean?
My bf told me to hangout with my friends more often so he will not be the center of my world.
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reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
there is a difference between love and emotional dependency, love is healthy, emotional dependancy is not. also, it can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on a couple if one of the two needs the other to simply enjoy life. it can lead to unjustified guilt trips. i will give you two examples, the first an unhealthy relationship, the second a healthy one: ex 1: " hey honey, all my buddies are meeting up at a friends house to watch the game so I won't be here friday evening" response " awesome, I'm glad you willget to spend time with your friends, honestly I've been sort of craving an evening by myself to read, maybe watch a movie, or I might invite my best friend to come hang out".
ex 2: " hey honey, all my buddies are meeting up....." response" what ??? you're gonna leave me here all alone, what am I suposed to do? we only have the weekend to be together but you prefer to be with your buddies than with me? ".
ex 2: " hey honey, all my buddies are meeting up....." response" what ??? you're gonna leave me here all alone, what am I suposed to do? we only have the weekend to be together but you prefer to be with your buddies than with me? ".
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reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@sugarpie I would say don't leave, grow instead. let me tell you a story: I have a friendthat I travel with all over the world, the reason why we get along well while traveling is 2 important things, we have similar interests (obviously) and are both able to function without the other which means there is no pressure or guilt tripping. If I say I want to go do a 2 day trek and he doesn't want to go then we go our own ways and see each other 2 days later. it wouldn't work if I said " you never want to do my stuff" or he said " that'sit, you,re leaving me alone?" . we both have lives but 90% of the time we do stuff together because we like doing stuff together. maybe a good way for you to learn this attitude is if you take the initiative: don't wait for him to tell you he has other plans and then he feels bad ( and shouldnt feel bad) or you feel hurt (and shouldnt feel hurt), instead you make plans with friends and casually say to him " oh, saturday I'm going to hang out with my friends", he will apreciate that you are developing independance and when he feels like seeing his buddies he won't feel bad and fear the drama it will cause. also relationships get boring if you are always together, you both need to have yourown activities, hobbies and sports and then you both have stories to share with each other.
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@sugarpie P.S,: don't listen to all those fools who say its because he's got someone else, jeez guys, you are not helping 🙄
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
Im getting the impression from that message that your boyfriend knows that your dependant on him and if anything happened u could fall back on your friends.
Thats my taken on it and if your getting advise off everyone on this site , your head be melted , so if i was u id ask him yourself .
Also if someone said that to me what he said to you I be gone like a light
Thats my taken on it and if your getting advise off everyone on this site , your head be melted , so if i was u id ask him yourself .
Also if someone said that to me what he said to you I be gone like a light
in10RjFox · M
@sugarpie surprising you say so in a widespread online world where you can chat and converse before meeting someone. It means you avoid getting deeper in conversations online and prefer meeting strangers. But there again you would find it difficult beyond a point. But you can kill time with some group activity such as eating out / going movies etc.
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
in10RjFox · M
Maybe you are directly or indirectly trying to micro manage him .. asking too much details, calling and getting to know whereabouts or watchadoing .. leaving no breathing space..
TeirdalinFirefall · 31-35, M
I mean it's not bad advice. Sometimes people just need time to themselves. Or at least some people do, personally I love to be with clingy people because I am one too. 👏
HappyCamper74 · 46-50, M
That's called the old brush off. And has probably found someone else, or at least on the trail of someone else.
sugarpie · 26-30, F
@HappyCamper74 i see. I should probably start minding my own business
HappyCamper74 · 46-50, M
@sugarpie probably move on and find your happiness elsewhere. I'm sorry
ExperienceDLT · M
Most likely means he is cheating on you and wants you "out with your friends" so he can do as he pleases behind your back
RedBaron · M
It means you should hang out with your friends more often.
Steve42 · 56-60, M
Reminds me of a song, .....he's already gone......
Japrost · 41-45, M
You should move on
ExperienceDLT · M
@Japrost yep cause most likely the bf already has
pdockal · 56-60, M
He's got somebody else
BeefySenpie · M
Hey. You're a pie too 👀
MonaMartinez86 · 36-40, F
Lilnonames · F
He found some one else