What does this mean?
My bf told me to hangout with my friends more often so he will not be the center of my world.
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reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
there is a difference between love and emotional dependency, love is healthy, emotional dependancy is not. also, it can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on a couple if one of the two needs the other to simply enjoy life. it can lead to unjustified guilt trips. i will give you two examples, the first an unhealthy relationship, the second a healthy one: ex 1: " hey honey, all my buddies are meeting up at a friends house to watch the game so I won't be here friday evening" response " awesome, I'm glad you willget to spend time with your friends, honestly I've been sort of craving an evening by myself to read, maybe watch a movie, or I might invite my best friend to come hang out".
ex 2: " hey honey, all my buddies are meeting up....." response" what ??? you're gonna leave me here all alone, what am I suposed to do? we only have the weekend to be together but you prefer to be with your buddies than with me? ".
ex 2: " hey honey, all my buddies are meeting up....." response" what ??? you're gonna leave me here all alone, what am I suposed to do? we only have the weekend to be together but you prefer to be with your buddies than with me? ".
sugarpie · 26-30, F
@reflectingmonkey he's suffocated. Should i leave?
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@sugarpie is he telling you to leave or telling you to also give some time to your friends?sorry to say but just the fact that you respond by saying " he is sufocated, should I leave? " is a bit of a dramatic red flag.
sugarpie · 26-30, F
@reflectingmonkey i don't want him to suffer because of me
sugarpie · 26-30, F
@reflectingmonkey i have a bit of problem with identifying emotions. I am seeing a psychologist and gets therapy. If you or he sees it as redflag, should i stay? The values are obviously unequal
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@sugarpie I would say don't leave, grow instead. let me tell you a story: I have a friendthat I travel with all over the world, the reason why we get along well while traveling is 2 important things, we have similar interests (obviously) and are both able to function without the other which means there is no pressure or guilt tripping. If I say I want to go do a 2 day trek and he doesn't want to go then we go our own ways and see each other 2 days later. it wouldn't work if I said " you never want to do my stuff" or he said " that'sit, you,re leaving me alone?" . we both have lives but 90% of the time we do stuff together because we like doing stuff together. maybe a good way for you to learn this attitude is if you take the initiative: don't wait for him to tell you he has other plans and then he feels bad ( and shouldnt feel bad) or you feel hurt (and shouldnt feel hurt), instead you make plans with friends and casually say to him " oh, saturday I'm going to hang out with my friends", he will apreciate that you are developing independance and when he feels like seeing his buddies he won't feel bad and fear the drama it will cause. also relationships get boring if you are always together, you both need to have yourown activities, hobbies and sports and then you both have stories to share with each other.
reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M
@sugarpie P.S,: don't listen to all those fools who say its because he's got someone else, jeez guys, you are not helping 🙄