There is something profoundly strange about the friendships we build online.
A person can become part of your everyday life without ever sharing a meal with you. You know the sound of their thoughts before you know the sound of their voice. You celebrate promotions, mourn losses, recommend books, send songs, exchange photographs on ordinary Tuesdays.
The miles between you begin to matter less than the presence between you.
And then, sometimes, they disappear.
No goodbye. No explanation. Their account goes quiet. Messages stop. One day they’re simply… gone.
You don’t know if they found happiness, changed directions, became overwhelmed, lost interest, or if something happened that they’ll never have the chance to tell you.
You just never hear from them again.
Other friendships don’t disappear.
They drift.
Life fills with careers, spouses, children, aging parents, new responsibilities, different routines. Conversations that once happened every day become every week, then every month, then whenever someone remembers to send a photograph or ask how the other is doing.
Not because the friendship wasn’t real.
Just because life kept asking more of both of you.
And then there are the friendships that end for a different reason.
Both people are still there.
Both people still care.
But they no longer want the same things.
Neither person is necessarily wrong.
They’re simply walking toward different futures.
Sometimes the most loving choice isn’t holding on.
It’s accepting that what one person needs is not something the other can give.
One day you’re talking every day.
The next, you’re people who used to.
That doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t real.
It doesn’t mean the laughter mattered less, or the conversations meant less, or that the version of you who was changed by knowing them somehow imagined it all.
It simply means that some people are part of our lives for a season, while others become part of our story forever.
And perhaps that’s the strangest part of all.
Someone you’ve never hugged can leave an empty space in your life.
Someone who once knew the texture of your everyday life can become someone you only think about when a certain song plays, a photograph appears, or a place reminds you of a conversation you once had.
Not because they’re still present.
But because, for a little while, they were.
And sometimes, that is enough to leave a mark that never quite disappears.
I know these feelings. I have experienced the losses too. It’s a reality of life, not just of online relationships and friendships.
But somehow, the void just reminds me that those connections are possible if we meet the right people. These are friendships that help us discover ourselves in the same way we contribute to helping them discover theirs.
The pain of the loss has made me step away for a while, but it’s the same reality that I allow myself the chance to let (the right) people in despite the risks.
Life is meant to be lived. And not from the sidelines. The heart is resilient, but not necessarily as trusting .
I've experienced all of these in my 30+ years online.
The worst was the one I lost to an Instagram addiction, and I use that word quite literally.
After over 10 years of sharing our lives together online on a daily basis, listening to music together, watching TV shows together, doing crosswords together, etc., etc., suddenly updating her Instagram account at the perfect time to get the most hits became more important than hanging out with me.
I put up with that for four years before I finally called it a day; over something quite trivial in the end, but it was the final straw.
I still miss her sometimes, but the old her, not what she became.
aww, this made me think of a good friend I used to have on EP who I lost touch with when it closed, her username was postalchick and I miss her very much
@antonioioio Well, I think friends come and go offline, too. I have some long-term friends, but I’ve drifted away from many as lives, geography, and interests change.
@ChampagneOnIce she didn't even give me the chance to explain at all. I felt like she wanted me to pick her over my partner. Not going to happen. I was very sick with heart issues and mental struggles. And she didn't care. I wish I could tell her what im feeling but im blocked 🚫
I've thought about this too. I never knew that online friendships could be that strong or meaningful. Most of them went their own way awhile ago, but I have been enriched and delighted in ways I could not have imagined.
So much this. So well expressed. 💝 Yet as another said... it can be a whole other level of pain. I'm a connected person and I feel those losses and disappearances. One minute here, one minute gone.
I understand. I don’t get close to that many people, online or off. I’ve been deeply hurt, as you know, but I believe the moments shared before the end were worth it.
@Magenta Same. I learned a lot, and the experience changed me, for better or worse, but I'm grateful for the time we shared.
I do pause when I read that someone here has passed, whether I knew them or not, it's sad. Our lives are fleeting, and I think when we spend time with people we care for, whether in person or online, they become part of the fabric of our lives, and they leave a hole when they're no longer present in it.
Online friendships have the disadvantage of being volatile. They are relatively new, having emerged since the invention of the internet, and we are reduced to only one part of ourselves - the one we express ourselves in writing. In reality, we are more than that, and that is why I think some don't last very long.
@Crys76 Excellent point and I believe true. When it's only cyber, no tangible, and only express ourselves through words and images, so much of who we truly are is lost or not shown. Too many nuances that just can't be experienced.
it definitely happens. thats why alot of folks dont invest their emotions in online friendships or relationships. because one minute they are there, the next they are gone.
@ReptilianFromPlanetCrush That can be true. I think, like most thing, it depends on the people involved, but I don't get particularly close to many people, online or off.
Can't relate at all. Too many catfish online. I wouldn't interact more than on a light level because of that. Do you want to keep interacting? Ok, we have to meet irl then, otherwise - seeeeyaa!
I'm not going to play someone's fantasy game. Fortunately, AI seems to be filling this need more and less people are hunting for it in the past few years.
So Very True ... often Unfortunately ... Sometimes the Best that Could Be, Never Happens ... Maybe it's just fear that prevents us from taking the chance, opening up, making the move or sharing ourselves ... Tis a pity
