How do you keep on and on, pretending that your kids put in a good effort all the time?

I promise that my inside thoughts are strictly inside thoughts, I just get tired of pretending sometimes. Sorry if this comes off a little harsh, it just gets a little old pretending over and over and over.

The other day my son was helping me get groceries out of the car, he comes out and flexes his arms telling me how strong he is. I watch him as he proceeds to reach into the car and grab the gallon of milk, from the minute he picked it up he struggled pretty significantly to carry it into the house, he basically dropped it bringing it out of the car, And he struggled even more putting it up on the table., he wasn’t strong enough to even get it above his chest so I had to put it on the table for him. He was so proud of himself after that. He started running around the house with his shirt off flexing his arms again and really bragging that he brought the milk in to the house by himself and that he’s stronger than all of us I meanINSIDE THOUGHT “ calm down there little guy, don’t brag that you are stronger than all of us. I just watched you flex your muscles and explain how strong you were, then struggle to even lift a simple milk jug, even when you used both of your hands and all of your body weight, you struggled literally the entire time, from the very second you picked it up. you needed me to put it up on the counter for you. and on top of that, you still till this day aren’t strong enough to open the back door, and, I have had to pick you up before, and… Even even when you are trying your absolute best to get away from me… I can scoop you up with one hand, giving it no thought whatsoever.

Today one of my daughters insisted she turned off a couple of the lights that we left on as we were leaving the house, I watched her get up on her stepstool, stretch out her arms, and start jumping, still barely grazing the switch, I’m pretty sure she just got lucky given that she had to jump up so many times. She then was bragging about how she was tall and able to reach the light switches. I mean INSIDE THOUGHT “ Chill out. kiddo, you just gave me a hug, and all I can do was rub the top of your hair to show you affection because you… Aren’t very tall… You were literally hugging my shins/knees. I just watched you climb up on your stepstool, stretch your arms up, and even need to jump as high as you could. You had to readjust your stepstool a good four or five times on a single switch, and on all of the switches you were jumping for quite a long time, even so once you finally got it, your finger is barely raised it. On top of that, little one, I just picked you up and put you in your car seat because you still are not tall enough to climb in yourself.

Also, my other daughter was bragging about how she can open her juice box all on her own, I watched her struggle quite a bit just to take the straw out of the wrapper, and when it came time to put the straw in the juice box, she spilt her juice everywhere. Needing me to clean up her mess and give her a new juice box which I had to open for her because she couldn’t ever get the straw in her first one. INSIDE THOUGHT: I just watched you spill your juice box everywhere right after you explain that you can open it all by yourself, and I need to clean up your mess for you, and give you a new juice box. Which I had to open for you take a chill pill, kid.

So why would I pretend that they both put in an actual good effort? What is impressive about bringing a little milk jug inside? If that’s the case then me bringing in the rest of the groceries should be impressive. flipping three average switches, if that’s the case then me pressing the button to open the garage is impressive. We’re not being able to even open a juice box without making a huge mess, if that’s the case then me opening a soda is impressive even if I spell it everywhere.

HootyTheNightOwl

Please never have sex again if you are incapable of understanding the fact that your children are developing.

Your son is under the age of 8 and clearly hasn't gone through puberty yet, so he doesn't have the muscles of an adult man. That bottle of milk is heavier to him than it is to you. He still struggled to take it from the car, carry it into the house and attempt to place it on the table. Why wouldn't the fact that he put in good effort be worthy of a little "Great job, son"??? It's not about the fact "I had to take it from you and place it on the table" as much as considering the weight difference for his underdeveloped muscles and what he achieved with them. The fact that he doesn't have the right equipment (adult height and muscles) - yet he did his best. That is what is worthy of praise. If it makes him feel like the late Andre the Giant for a while, then so be it... that's a story that you can tell him about when he gets older because he is unlikely to remember it himself.

It's pretty much the same thing for your daughter. She doesn't have the muscles or brain of an adult yet. She probably doesn't understand that one end of the straw is often tapered to make it easier to get the straw out of the wrapping. She's certainly still developing hand to eye coordination and she clearly doesn't understand not to grip the juice box so tightly... yet, she still put in the effort to open her own juice box. Here, you could have praised her for at least trying to open the juice box by herself - but her actions still have consequences because now there's juice everywhere... so, "Can you help 'dad' to mop up all this juice, please???". It might take longer than it'll take you to do it yourself but it's still a learning experience for the child because they are practising hand to eye coordination again.

If you don't encourage effort, you eventually reach the point where they wonder why they should even try because they never get told that they did a good job, no matter how much effort they put into things.

They might go to school and be a straight A student, but that takes effort to maintain... they might struggle in school and need extra help to succeed - but that takes effort, too. Now, just imagine that dad killed their desire to even put in effort before they were old enough to even go to school.

Also, do you really want to be the guy that they turn to one day and say "Hey, 'dad' - how come you never once told me that I did a good job with something??? Were you never proud of me, was I never good enough for you???".

ImaNEWparent · 36-40, M

@HootyTheNightOwl but none of this is very hard, so is me opening a Coke and spilling it everywhere impressive? At least I opened it right?

And same goes for my son, I don’t really see what is so hard about bringing milk inside, or what is hard about putting that milk up on the countertop. You don’t need “adult strength and height“ for that right? I mean he was shaking the entire time, and wasn’t even able to get it on the counter. What would be impressive about that?

What I’m getting out here is these things are non-events. All of them can be done in a matter of seconds. Flipping off lights isn’t hard, opening a juice box isn’t hard, bringing milk inside and putting it up on the countertop isn’t hard. What exactly is hard about any of that?

HumanEarth · F

You should be impressed. Little Man is showing you he becoming strong like a big man. That's a sence of pride in Little Man life to show you what he can do and what great warrior he will be.

Don't you see that

Same thing for goes for your daughter. She is showing you. That she is no longer the little girl and now showing you that she becoming the big girl. By doing things on her own.

They just want your approval of their achievement. Even if just a simple little thing to you. To them, it means the world to them.

I raised my 9 children from baby to adult and took care countless others children throughout my life. Plus my grandkids.

Reading this made me remember one thing why I hated my father so much. He was mean, nasty, cold hearted and lacked compassion.

You don't want your kids to grow up hating you. Do You?