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How to deal with my son going through puberty as a single mother?

Now i am here , my older boy seems he finally is going through puberty and i don't know really how can i start talking to him and give him advices about this difficult stage of his life, i need to talk to him but i always at loss of words, i need every answer here
Adogslife · 61-69, M
It’s really not that complicated. Masturbation is normal as long as it’s not excessive.

Other than that, he’s going to get taller, grow hair, need to shave and his voice will deepen. Nothing much mom needs to do there.

Sex is a big deal, so it’s even BETTER that you’re a single mom. Explain sex from a woman’s point of view. Reinforce all the time how important it is to respect a woman and listen to her signals. Don’t push her. Especially don’t listen to an uncle’s stories of conquest. That’s the last thing you need.

Logistically, if he’s going out and sex is even potentially on the menu, he HAS to wear a condom. He’s too young and immature to ruin three lives: his, hers and the baby’s.

Men grow up stupid. They simply mature later. Force feed him the need to “Respect” - again and again and again.

You’ll do just fine. Fathers suck at the birds and bees conversations anyway. 👍🏻
justanothername · 51-55, M
@Adogslife well said
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JamesBugman · 56-60, T
This is an area you have to be careful in. Testosterone is flooding his body and he can anger easily. You will notice huge mood swings depending on when his last wank was (sorry for the crude language). He will be happy one day, and angry the next.

You need to feel him out to see if he is into girls or guys. The world is a difference place these days from what I used to see as a kid, but whichever way he goes, it should be OK for you too. How many depressed/suicidal kids are out there thinking their parents hate them because they like same gender.. this is huge. Love him regardless.

Keep him away from bad influences, bad people, drugs, theft, running around at night. This can be a relationship breaker, or even kill him if it goes wrong. It won't be easy, but you have to try your best.

Teach him how to dress, how to cut his hair, shave, get him into a hygiene routine so he is always clean, wears clean clothes, brushes his teeth, puts on deodorant, shaves. The basic stuff. If he likes a pretty girl at school, he is going to need to look his best.

Keep an open mind, every kid is different, and will struggle with certain things. Just always be there for him without smothering him. Let him grow into it.
salwa · F
@JamesBugman thank you i just need some advices like this
Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@salwa
thank you i just need some advices like this

Some of the best advice in addition to what @JamesBugman suggested is to review Proverbs 1:8-19 with him. It's not religious advice but very practical life advice =
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+1%3A8-19&version=CEV
Fieldmaster · 46-50, M
@JamesBugman much better advice!
ArtieKat · M
I know times have changed since I went through puberty but I would never have talked to my mother - or my father for that matter. As I remember it (but it's nearly 60 years ago now) boys talked to one another and we learned that way.
bartender · 36-40, M
Tell him this time can be tricky for young men
Assure him you understand and are there for him if he needs to talk
Encourage masturbation and subtly tell him that will help release the tension he might feel
Be normal and make it look like it's natural
Musicman · 61-69, MVIP
@bartender Excuse me! I can't even remotely envision a mother encouraging her son to masturbate. Did yours? I can tell you my mom didn't.
bartender · 36-40, M
@Musicman i wish my mom did.
A lot of mistakes made by young men can be avoided if they masturbate and release the stress
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DrWatson · 70-79, M
On the one hand, it would be nice if you could identify a trusted adult male in his life who could be a mentor about this.

On the other hand, you can contribute something that men can't as effectively -- you can explain how girls and women react to male behavior. He could probably use some advice in order for him to not start on the path that so many "boys" (including middle aged men) on the internet have taken.

A young man needs to know that a lot of behaviors and comments that seem to come naturally are actually going to be offensive. He needs to know that sexual behavior has emotional consequences. He needs to know why so many women and girls are afraid to walk alone at night, and you can encourage him to be a compassionate young man as far as his attitudes toward young women are concerned.

And you can tell him that an obsession with internet porn will create neural pathways that might make it difficult for him to engage in a healthy, loving sexual relationship later on. (I am not saying "no porn". But the type of porn, and the frequency, can be issues. I submit SW as evidence.)
Panamared · 70-79, M
you can teach him how to treat a woman with respect
Panamared · 70-79, M
He will be curious, open a line of conversation, be open and honest. Do not brush off any question, answer all of them so he will always come to you
Panamared · 70-79, M
@salwa you can do it, if you do not understand the question, say so and talk it out
ninalanyon · 61-69, T
@salwa
what if i can't answer all his questions,
Admit that you don't know the answer and work together to find out. This will teach him that no one has all the answers and that working together is better than suffering in silence.
@salwa boys are simply, they get super duper horny horny and they're not used to it...

Then they learn about jacking off which leads to making a mess... and they just need to be able to control themselves and if they're struggling with that, then they need some sort of release, weather that's mental or physical, just make sure he's not being over stimulized and give him space, understand if the laundry gets dirtier quicker...
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
Not sure, but don;t be like a woman I knew who was SO happy that her 14-year old was having sex with a 12-year old neighbor girl because it calmed him down and made life easier for her. I couldn't believe it when she told me that. :(
salwa · F
@ChipmunkErnie it is not our society, in Arab world things are different
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
@salwa It's not our society either, as far as I know.
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QCDog2659 · 61-69, M
Tell him that everyone goes through these kind of changes, and even though you have never been a boy, you are there to answer any questions he has.

If you don't have an answer, be honest with him. Tell him you will find out the answer.

Be patient with him.

NEVER tell him that you understand how he feels.
in10RjFox · M
There is nothing difficult about the stage. Did your parents talk to you during your puberty? Boys don't need that kind of attention girls need. His classmates and friends would take care of it. Just that don't enter his room without making any noise.. It may also be good to knock first and then wait for his cue to enter.
JSmith75 · 46-50, M
Be open and honest
WolfGirlwh0r3 · 36-40, T
https://www.youtube.com/c/DadhowdoI?sub_confirmation=1

There are many great resources out there, but think about what your fsther was like or better still ask him to come and be that male role model for ypur son in this time to keep on the right path
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Convivial · 26-30, F
You don't have a male friend who might help?
Musicman · 61-69, MVIP
@Convivial I agree with your thinking.
Convivial · 26-30, F
@Musicman easier all round one would imagine
Musicman · 61-69, MVIP
@Convivial Most definitely! I couldn't even envision having that talk with my mom. 🤦‍♂️
Give him something to read. But I believe he has already found it through friends and net
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Search out some resources that are non-threatening to him....

IE: https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Always-Puberty_and-Shouldnt-Googling/dp/1950587134
angie8819 · 56-60, F
He can find out for himself
Shallowaters · 36-40, M
Talking openly is the best option
Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@salwa Buy him a sex android.
Vin53 · M
@DiotrephesI want a sex android.
Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@Vin53
I want a sex android.
Have you seen the latest ones? They can be custom made and are getting very sophisticated. When you read the news and see all of the famous people who are involved in sex scandals they might have been able to avoid that trouble if they had simply bought themselves harems of sex androids.
dale74 · M
Explain to him that you know he's going through challenges in life but one of the more important things is that he understands that there's always a time and a place. He should respect himself another's when he starts dating a woman he should respect her.
Brasceo · 41-45, M
Lose your panties not words
From my experience, don't do it slowly... that just makes it more painful.

And make sure he doesn't get anyone pregnant or anything against their will, otherwise I think kids are fairly good, and always make sure they wrap it before they tap it.
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
I'm not sure you need to talk to him. Kids have been going through puberty for millennia without active advice from their parents. Perhaps just make sure he knows that if he has any questions he can ask you?
Alex51 · 61-69, M
Be cool mentally.Watch carefully his mood and actions. Most important is precaution is againt drugs and theft.Make him to understand the evil of these two things.If needed seek professional advice
Alex51 · 61-69, M
Be cool. Dont give pressure to your mind and him. Talk with him everything is part and parcel of life. I am of the view that he will learn thing.Do you like to DM with me
Northwest · M
How's your relationship with him so far? Do you talk about everything? Have you always?
salwa · F
@Northwest i think we talk about everything at least from my side
Northwest · M
@salwa I went with my boys to their sex ed classes, talked about the changes they're going the transition to adolescence, the different between sex education and sexual awakening. The difference between feeling good, and how it interferes with other emotions, or more like overwhelms other emotions.

Talked about masturbation and the emotional side of sexuality. Encouraged them to come to me, not to someone on the Internet for advice...
GinPanda · 26-30, F
This seems to be a hard one. Trust your instincts, give space, be open and I am sure the right answer will come to you
daydeeo · 61-69, M
Salwa, you asked this questions back in January and received some good advice.
Participating in sports has many benefits.
SW-User
I’m not sure here is where every answer is…

A lot of advice here is pretty atrocious, devoid of sound principles or responsibility.
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/talk-about-puberty.html#:~:text=Let%20your%20child%20know%20that,lead%20once%20in%20a%20while.
Patriot96 · 56-60, C
Difficult time for both of you. I there a male friend or relative to assist you
QCDog2659 · 61-69, M
If I may ask...How are you doing with your son, in his state of developing and maturing?
Mindfuladventurer · 36-40, M
Let the dad step in and take the responsibility, porn spoils them in a bad way.
Vin53 · M
Stay away from tube socks bundled up on his bedroom floor.
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Where’s his father? Can he give him the talk?
AndysAttic · 56-60, M
Does he have any uncles?
salwa · F
@AndysAttic yes he has but they are all busy not available all the time
AndysAttic · 56-60, M
@salwa Don't have to be there all the time just available for an uncle nephew little chat about things.
Bklynbadboy12 · 31-35, M
How old is your son
Chickie · F
Women don't know anything about being a boy. Send him to a doctor's or Grandpa if there aren't any uncles for him.
Musicman · 61-69, MVIP
I couldn't even envision having that talk with my mom. Is there any male figure in his life? Maybe a grandfather or uncle. That is where I would start.

 
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