People & Family > Family

Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Second child in 40s

we both are just turned 40, and have a son 10 yrs old. we are really thinking of having second child but our age is making us nervous. we know it will have health impact however more so nervous about society, how would we be treated to be parent again at 40

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

QueenOfTheNerds · 41-45, F

I had my youngest one month before I turned 40.
I’m now 43 and my three youngest boys (6, 5, & 3) go practically everywhere with me. I have never once had anyone comment about being a parent of young kids at my age.

whisperingwillow · 36-40, F

@QueenOfTheNerds It’s definitely much more common these days

Lilred2289 · 31-35, F

@QueenOfTheNerds And you shouldn’t! It’s none of their business.

666Maggotz ·

Tbh I think it’s best to have kids when you’re older. My parents accidentally had me young and tbh my younger siblings have such a better childhood than me that it low key makes me angry. My parents are much better people in their 40’s.

graphite · 61-69, M

@666Maggotz My father terrified me; my younger brother laughed at him, mocked him, even. Same guy, just 10 years later.

Applepiedom · 56-60, M

Some people will look and say,glad that's not us. But f**kem you're not asking them to raise them. Do what makes you happy

Jai00123 · 41-45, M

@Applepiedom true that, thanks.

Applepiedom · 56-60, M

@Jai00123 I know first hand I was 41 when youngest was born. Midnight feedings were a b***h but he's a good kid and I'm still here,so it's survivable.

Caribbeanqueen · 56-60, F

It’s time to start learning not to care what others think and feel about your life choices. There will always be those for and against.

I was 49 when I had my youngest. He’s fit and healthy and very bright and happy. He keeps us busy and keeps us laughing. He’s a delight and I don’t care what others think, it’s my life to live as I want. Having said that, I’ve not received any strong rebukes or comments.

My only regret is that I will most likely not be in his life beyond his 30’s but no one can guarantee tomorrow either. I parent him with that in mind and make sure that we’re creating long lasting happy memories.

Enjoy your life and if adding a child born out of love and want will enhance your happiness, go for it! It is absolutely possible to have a normal, happy, healthy pregnancy with a healthy, loved child at the end. Good luck

BeautifulLibra · 46-50, F

@Caribbeanqueen 👍🏼👍🏼

HannibalAteMeOut · 22-25, F

I think nowadays it's common to have kids at your age, many even have their first ones in their 40's. But I don't know where you live so it might be a societal issue, but still you don't have to take them into consideration, it's your family and your life.

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

Plenty of parents have kids in their later year's. So no big deal

Jai00123 · 41-45, M

@smileylovesgaming really ? I wasn't aware. Thanks that's encouraging :)

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

@Jai00123 it is true. My parents had my baby brother in their late 40s

Jai00123 · 41-45, M

@smileylovesgaming wow amazing. good to know. can I ask how's your relation with your brother then ?

whisperingwillow · 36-40, F

Honestly, my parents were in their 40’s when they had me. A lot of times people thought they were my grandparents, but aside from that and apologies, no one ever treated them badly or anything. In fact, at this point you have a lot more advantages. If you’re able, I say go for it!

Jai00123 · 41-45, M

@whisperingwillow wow that was almost 40 years ago. yes exactly that's what my cousin told me that people would call you guys grandparents instead of parents when you would drop them to school.

what sort of advantages you think ?

ElwoodBlues · M

@Jai00123 I was an older dad. As such, I was much more mature than I was in my 20's and had much more patience (parenthood requires TONS of patience). Plus we were on a firmer financial footing, could get our kids what they needed such as a house in a good school district.

whisperingwillow · 36-40, F

@Jai00123 lol, yes. I’m 37 now.

I think there were plenty of advantages. Financial security, more patience…my mom always had a horrible temper but she’d calmed down quite a bit by the time she had me lol. My dad even started his own business after I was born. He’d worked crazy hours during my sister’s childhood and hadn’t been able to be as present as he would’ve liked. His new business enabled him to never miss a single school event and he was there for me any time I needed him. Overall everything was just much more balanced by their 30’s and they’d learned a LOT from raising my sister before having me lol Also, everyone also called me their little miracle and treated me like I was some magical unicorn 🤣🤣 So, advantages for me too lol

Justafantasy · M

I'll be fifty before my oldest is ten. Don't notice many saying much

Lanie78 · 46-50, F

Hey nevermind what society thinks. Your lives, your choices. Many choose to become parents later in life these days anyway. I had my youngest at 38. Just look after yourselves, and enjoy the whole process. Kids later on in life keep you young 😊

graphite · 61-69, M

Also, for the 10-year-old, suddenly going from an only child for a long time to the oldest of two and sharing the stage can be a shock to the system. Sent me on a tailspin when I went from the youngest to the next-youngest, after nearly a decade as the youngest. I've seen other people in the same situation who also had difficult adjustments.

View 1 more replies »

666Maggotz ·

@graphite my mom had my first sister when I was 16. I was honestly jazzed to have her. She’s literally my best friend.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Lanie78 · 46-50, F

@graphite That imo isn't good parenting. Parents should be doing the parenting. That isn't the responsibility of the older children.

Disgustedman · 61-69, M

There is the possibility of Downs Syndrome after 40. The odds are long, but one should be aware of all possible issues.

View 8 more replies »

This message was deleted by its author.

Nitedoc · 51-55, M

@Lanie78 You are basically right.

graphite · 61-69, M

Go for it, but be prepared to deal with and support a 20something well into your 60s, when you might otherwise want to retire. Want to take a cruise now that you're 60? Sorry - Junior needs that $$ for college tuition.

BeautifulLibra · 46-50, F

40 isn't too old to have a child. Just make sure you take care of yourself and communicate with your doctor about any concerns and tests me may want to give you. Don't tell anyone, should be between you and your partner.

deadgerbil · 26-30

It's not uncommon for people to have kids later in life. You will be asked questions about if your kid is actually your grandkid for obvious reasons tho

SW-User

One more for the road I say. My sister in law turns 40 in September and joked she could possibly fit one more in. She has a 2 year old and a 4 year old.

Cosmicmicrowave · 18-21, M

you can do it, will it be easy no, but it is possible, if you both want it then by all means go for it

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

My cousin had her first baby in her mid 40s at the end of last year!

Her and baby are doing great!

ArtieKat · M

I note that you assume pregnancy will happen immediately. You don't say anything about the impact on your son......

MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F

It's risky from a health perspective, anything after 30 really

Caribbeanqueen · 56-60, F

@MyNameIsHurl yes, you’re absolutely right. You need to be honest with yourself about your health. If you are not looking and feeling younger than you are, it’s probably not worth the risk. I was 49 and whilst pregnant I somehow never considered the risk to me. My concern was solely for the baby. In retrospect, I took a massive risk which now fills me with dread. It was a miracle that he went to term, was big, I was induced and I delivered him naturally (not by choice. I didn’t ask for an epidural in time and it was never suggested). I also had a delivery previously by caesarean.

If you have ever been induced and they need to give you a higher dose because your not progressing quickly enough, you’ll know what I mean when I say that those contractions are so incredibly hard, painful and quick succession. Nothing like a when in natural labour).

When I now think about all the risks I took, I’m extremely lucky to have come out the other end with a happy outcome.

But I’m also an example of that it can be done. But you need to be fit and healthy enough for the task, not your age!

tiggerandariel13 · 41-45, MVIP

my parents were in their late 40s when they had my 4 younger sisters

NudasPriest

You seem to have your age range on here set incorrectly then.

Jai00123 · 41-45, M

@NudasPriest thanks for pointing out, I've corrected it now. :)

Add a comment...