How do you deal with estranged family connections who want to visit suddenly?

Some relatives who lived abroad and only just came for vacation want to see us before they go back home.

Thing is, they are my late dad's relatives.
We chose to part with the rest of them because most adults there are honestly just bullies, uncaring and had lost our respect by their choices and actions in our time of grief.

Years had passed since then. And it is still more peaceful to live disconnected from them.

But as for these visiting relatives, I am yet to know how they are. Because to be honest, I don't have any experience with them that I remember. So I am not particularly opposed to them visiting. I have no reason to accept, but also no reason to reject the offer. So I just allowed it.

But I do not know what to expect or how to treat them if they do visit.

Should they step even a toe out of line and try to hurt my family, they would see I am not my dad and I can devour and cut them in half.
But part of me...actually hopes they are different and sincere. That they actually care, even if it is unlikely.

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4meAndyou · F

As long as you are not part of their "free vacation". My parents home used to be the "free vacation" spot for many of our relatives, and even for friends of relatives who might want to tag along.

They were always welcomed royally, however, and my parents would give up their bedroom. My father would go all out and take them on tours of all the historical sites. We always took them out to eat at least once, and my mother actually [i]cooked[/i] for them and made desserts, (which never happened normally).

It was all good until after they left, and my mother had a "nervous breakdown" from exhaustion and from trying to make the relatives think she was great.

I applaud your decision to meet those relatives for the first time, but it should definitely be a casual meeting. (Cheap restaurant). 😁

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

I'm used to it.. When I was a kid we lived in a small town along the only highway to the next state and was 800kms away from the city. Because of this relatives could stop by unannounced and expect a feed and a place to stay. Which we would give.
One time there was a funeral and we had 40 relatives rock up for the night.

The worst time was when some of Dad's bush friends showed up. Invited themselves in. made themselves at home in the lounge, played the tv too loud, turned the heater on full bore and kept the windows open. Demanded we wait on them hand and foot. With only one of them able to speak English. They were with us 3 days, Dad wasn't home at the time and we only knew the English speaker by sight...

Casheyane · F

@Thevy29 Why did you accommodate them though?

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

@Casheyane They're family. As for Dad's friends.. The only guy who could speak English we called Uncle Dave. Who we saw from time to time over the years and would always put a $50 note into our hands us kids hands, when he left. Even when he was living in his car.

Casheyane · F

@Thevy29 Ah. You welcome them all for the goodness of one. :)

Venturist

I can relate to this. I've cut those family members out of my life and they know it. They know not to even bother because ive made it very clear that i dont need them in my life and I definitely dont want them in my life.

I think you should do what you think is best for you and your family. Obviously you're not worried about there opinions.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Family (however much estranged) can be a real pita.
And yes don't they know how to make you feel guilty holding such decisions in your power at short notice !

If it were me I'd probably try and be as gracious and welcoming as possible on the understanding that this may well be the last time you see them.

And while you're at it let them know exactly how they made you feel after your loss.
Could be they misunderstood something or vice versa

Casheyane · F

@Picklebobble2 pita as in pain in the ass?

Tbh, I am not sure how to react. But I was raised with manners and class so I'd try that. I was raised to show respect. But growing up, I have learned to treat people accordingly.

jackrabbit10 · M

just need a place to hang out sleep and eat,,

NativePortlander1970 ·

A leopard cannot change their spots, it's best to not even talk to them.

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