Mother in law’s funeral

did you have children with your ex, if so it is appropriate pay your respects to them.
if not it is a judgement call depending on the relationship with your ex, i find it hard to believe she would be upset at you for going but i would limit it to just the wake, if they have one.

Ask you ex.Express sympathy and respect her wishes.

If you did care about the woman, then you should go and pay your respects and quietly leave.

One can attend without being apparent!

If I were you I would absolutely go but checking in with your ex-wife first might be a good call. This has to be all about her.

IMO, you should do the right thing and attend the funeral … your ex wife can decide to be upset or grateful but that should be besides the point …

I wouldn’t, not with that length of time, you haven’t been in her life. It may be different if you didn’t have an ex, and you don’t know how she, and the rest of family feels about you showing up uninvited. Leave them to their grief, and you can send a card or note, and perhaps visit the grave later, to pay your respects.

I'd send a memorial and flowers.

@Barny52 well she will be upset whatever on the day and that is natural but you are paying your respects but rather than cause any more upset you could just ask if to attend to pay you final respects or not

You could always attend, but remain in the background, to show your personl respect, without upsetting others..😷

To go, or not to go? The answer is in your heart, now send it to your head.

It depends on the relationship you had with the MIL. One of my friends became really close to her MIL and that never changed, even after she divorced the husband. She attended the MIL’s funeral and kept her distance from the ex.

if not invited, ask someone adjacent to the ex or the ex themselves. otherwise send flowers

Send flowers with a kind note instead to the funeral. Thats what I did.

I don't think I would.

She wouldn’t invite you if it wasn’t ok with her current partner

I don't know, buddy. Maybe you should ask the ex-wife.